Plan. Prepare. Be Proactive. Prosper!

Plan: 1. a detailed scheme, method, etc., for attaining an objective

Prepare: to make ready or suitable in advance for a particular purpose or use

Be Proactive: serving to prepare for, intervene in or CONTROL an expected occurence or situation, especially a negative or difficult one, anticipatory

Prosper: to thrive, succeed or cause to thrive, succeed, etc. in a healthy way

My previous post was about Small Changes I've made in my life to help me with the weight loss.  My motto has always been: Progress, not Perfection.  I don't eat a completely clean diet, I can't say that I have things that are completely off limits to me.  However, by making healthy decisions over the course of the last 8 months - I have re-programmed myself and my preferences.  I love the way my body feels when I am eating healthy, nourishing foods instead of garbage. 

Norma left me a comment on the post that really inspired something in me.  Something 'clicked' and I plan to use that positive energy and feedback to help me keep moving forward.  She actually commented on my Court/Hell being over post, but referenced my 'Small Changes' Post here: " Your post before this one is GREAT! LOVE all your ideas, your making plans and sticking to them way of approaching them (being VERY accountable and that is where it's at) and proactive approach to identifying possible issues...you are so ON IT!" .  So Norma, thank you.  I thought to myself, 'Am I 'On It'?  I have looked back over the last few months, the recent weigh ins, thought about how my body feels, looked in my pantry and fridge and I felt really good about myself.  I have been on a positive and happy streak lately, and your comment helped solidify the fact that I don't suck at life or this weight loss.  I have become more accountable and proactive, I have finally started to give a shit about myself and my body again. 

Here is how I decided to Plan. Prepare. Be Proactive. for the week:

Large pan of broccoli and shaved carrots, mixed with a little salt&pepper.  I would usually have olive oil on it, but I ran out and didn't have it on my grocery list.  Turned out great without it, actually.

 I love roasted broc when it is a little browned like that from the oven - the flavor is wonderful.

Sliced white onion and green pepper, tossed with some black pepper and cayenne papper.  I put foil over it and put it in the oven for about 12 minutes, just so soften it - not cook them through so they're translucent - I like them a little firm.  I added some of these to the lunch bowls I made (pictured next) and put the rest in a container to be tossed into scrambled eggs, rice, as a side to chicken with other veggies, etc.  The key: Preparation- they're ready to go and they are spicy and delicious!

I made 4 lunch bowls like this.  I haven't had red meat in weeks, but really wanted beef and broccoli AND wanted to make my lunches in advance.  I hate leftover chicken, I actually will not eat it in a re-heated dish, only cold.  So, I bought a package of stir fry beef strips that weighed .68 pounds and split it between 5 servings (4 lunches and 1 that I had for dinner last night).  I bought a packet of beef&broccoli sauce mix that you add water and soy sauce to, I skipped the oil that was called for in the recipe.  It turned out great and tastes really good.  I have my lunches ready to go.  I used MOST of the broccoli and carrots up in the bowls, but have a small bowl to use as a side or snack sometime. 

The brown rice states a serving is 1 cup, I only used 1/2 cup in my lunch bowls.  I keep a big container of cooked brown rice ready to go for the week, I add salsa and random veggies to it, I throw it in scrambled eggs - just about anything as a quick go-to and I don't have to wait the 30 minutes for it to cook.  I can sautee the already softened peppers-onions with some rice and kidney beans and voila - supper is done and it's filling.  I can eat and move on with my real day and have the fuel to exercise!

 Snacks are ready to go.  Pears, bananas, pink lady apples, meyer lemons, navel oranges (I have another 5 pound bag in the fridge too).  Some of these will be eaten as is for a snack, some put in the fruit bowl on my desk, some into green smoothies and some will be put in my new juicer!

This fruit bowl is no joke - it is very big!  I can't walk into my kitchen hungry and see this and NOT make a good decision.  I have designed this week for success and will continue to do so!

So, in the title I also added 'Prosper!' - why?  These choices and preparations will allow me to prosper.  I can't fail this week because I won't let myself.  I will prosper, as in, THRIVE with the energy I have, with the happiness I gain with these healthy decisions, with the control I have taken over my life and my eating habits.  The energy will be there to exercise because I am feeding my body real food.

Court/Hell is over and done with

This week, I attended the final court hearing from my stalking/harassment period.  I (obviously) won't be paid for any damages, but I never asked to be either.  Somewhat expected, their charges were minimized to pretty much nothing.  That leaves a bad taste in my mouth - but then again, I didn't want to go to another hearing.  I wanted that garbage to be OVER with.  I have moved on with my life and have been living in my own house once again for a couple months.  It was hellacious to stay at random places, park my car at other random places, be in constant contact with the police (even though they were pretty much useless), miss work, etc..  I was being stalked by a deranged, low-functioning woman because she was laid off from her job and then her husband (who JUST got out of the federal prison system after 23 years) joined forces with her and my life was very much in danger.  I nearly lost my mind, I was on medication for anxiety and insomnia.  I am lucky that only my property was harmed and stolen.  It started on September 19 and carried on through mid-November.  There was one individual who could have received some heavy charges, but there was no evidence and of course - nobody would testify against this thug for what he did to me.  As luck would have it, he was caught by the law for some other incidents and has been sitting in jail for two months now.

Things have turned around for me in a lot of ways.  I didn't even know who I was those two months, I still avoid thinking about the whole thing.  I have never been targeted by hate or violence and I was so scared.  I'm glad it is over and hope it never returns.  If not for the prayers and support of others - I may have given up on myself completely.  I went into such a depression, it was just awful.  I feel completely blessed how things have shifted for me. 

This is just an update on the situation, some new readers don't even know what I had gone through.  For those of you that checked in with me, emailed or commented on posts even when I was so not weight-loss focused or whatever - Thank you.  Thank you for your support, kind words and encouragement. 

Small Changes

I did a post similar to this a while ago and got quite a few emails on it, so here is an update and more ideas:

Little Changes that Add up:
1. no more coffee creamer (instead I use 1 tbsp half&half and sugar free Torani)

2. no red meat..... Fish and chicken.  Fish and chicken.  Egg whites.  Fish and Chicken.  Almonds.  MmmHmmm, good stuff!

3. Green tea (about 24 oz a day) instead of diet soda

4. I track my calories the night BEFORE I consume them.  I do it old school with pen, paper and a little calorie counting book I found.  This goes hand in hand with meal/food preparation.  Cut up your veggies and put them in snack sized bags when you buy them.  If you put them in the crisper, chances are you won't see them again until you're throwing them away (or maybe that's just me).

5. I have 3 breakfast choices, that's it.  Either I have: A. green smoothie (2 oranges, 2 c spinach, 1 c. yogurt blended together), B. Fage greek yogurt & piece of fresh fruit or C. 2 eggs scrambled with loads of fresh veggies (green onions, green pepper, red pepper, mushrooms, frozen corn)

6. No eating after 8pm.  Sometimes I stay up until 1am reading a book or doing random nothings around the house, if I feel hungry - I make a cup of hot herbal tea.  It helps relax me and I go to bed, no eating!

7. No booze in January.  :)  I am going to continue this through February, maybe even March.  I am pretty sure I was an alcoholic before this little challenge, for real.  Scary.

8. I do not keep crap in my house.  Before I 'got it', on any given day - you could find chips, cheese dip, cake mixes, brownie mixes, ice cream, white bread, pasta and all kinds of random stuff in my pantry and fridge.  That is SO not the case anymore.  My pantry is so minimal - some marinara sauces, lots of canned kidney beans, some canned pineapple and canned pumpkin.  Every once in a while if I find a good sale, I buy some Progresso light soups to have on hand for lazy dinners or quick lunches.  I eat a lot of the same foods over and over.  Food isn't a pleasure or the center of my world anymore - it's fuel to do the OTHER stuff in life, like.... living.  Eat something to sustain you then move on with your real life.

9. I write in a journal - a lot.  I write about my feelings, about my goals, about where I see myself in five years.  I might just jot down an inspirational quote.  If I had a bad day or cry over something, I put those tears into words instead of calories... I process it, then move on. 

10. Oranges.  Sounds strange, but they're kind of saving my life....  If I am boredom eating, I just eat an orange and get over it.  As I'm peeling it, I imagine myself peeling layers of myself away.  Layers of hidden emotions, layers of insecurities, layers of fat, layers of old oversized clothes, layers of negative energy that I have internalized.....  It's tactile, you use your hands to get to the fruit.  I don't know if this would work for anyone, it's this weird psych thing I've designed for myself - but it works!  I also get a shitload of Vitamin C.  I have had 1 little sinus infection all winter and that was after visiting someone in the ER.  I got sick more last summer than I have this winter. Everyone in my office was sick and my whole family was sick all Christmas break.  Not this girl.  Oranges are my best friend, I have a bowl of them on my desk and bought 10 pounds of them yesterday because they were on super sale!  :)  

Let me tell you about the no booze challenge for January.  I did some reading about how alcohol hinders weight loss and body transformation, and it's not just because of empty calories.  To sum up the articles, alcohol leads to belly fat because of how it's metabolized, etc..  I hate my fat stomach, everything else seems to be getting smaller after these 62 pounds lost - but this belly is just ridiculous.  I have not drank at all in January and with the 8 pounds I've lost this mount - I have lost 4 inches off my waist.  I check it every week because this year I am keeping measurements.  I am amazed.  I didn't realize that would be possible with just 8 pounds, but I KNOW a big part of that is not drinking alcohol.  Goal jeans ALMOST look perfect - just you wait!  ;)  

Happiness

I'm off to a meeting in a few minutes, but I just wanted to tell you all something.  I am ridiculously happy these days.  Things have been going my way since mid-November.  The little pessimist in me (who went through hell August-September with stalking, robbery, etc.) was scared to accept the good fortune I kept receiving from the world.  I STOPPED thinking that way, I just started LIVING, doing, dreaming, smiling, laughing, dancing.... the beat hasn't stopped.  I'm still happy!  Live your life, leave negative thinking (about yourself or others or the world in general) behind.  Even on days when you don't have the motivation, still keep the determination!!! This world is a beautiful place when you live in an awakened sense and are willing to take in the splendor of it all.  I have finally learned to think that way again.

WI

Jan 18: 249
Jan 25: 248

I did tough workouts on Wednesday and Thursday because I knew I was going away for the weekend.  Friday, Saturday and Sunday I walked a lot, but no 'real workouts'.  Monday I noticed my wrist hurting, I used to have tendonitis in my left wrist and it seems to be acting up lately.  I did cardio and that was it.  Yesterday brought a morning sinus headache from hell followed by a stressful day at work.  I walked 1.5 miles last night and that was about all I could handle.

I wanted a 3 pound loss, but I am happy with 1 because I just couldn't hit the exercise like I have been.  I still made good food decisions - even on our weekend getaway.  We went shopping and doing little free site seeing in a city a couple hours away.  We were walking in a downtown area and ran right into a cupcake shop.  Of course, we went on in.  I had a french press coffee with vanilla infused milk.  We decided to split a raspberry-lemonade cupcake with amazing whipped frosting on it.

This is the first trip in a long time where I felt I didn't even think about food, food, food.  Usually, I look up new restaraunts I want to try, I would have had that cupcake shop and three others mapped out and planned, came home with a boatload of extras, dessert at every meal, found a buffet to eat, etc..  I was just genuinely looking forward to getting away, exploring a little, taking some walks because the weather was nice and having some quality time with James.  That's it.  That is a huge shift in thinking for me and I think it means... success!  :)  Who knew there was more to life than buffets?  I also stopped eating when I was satisfied, not full.  I ate slowly and really enjoyed indulging in delicious conversation with James more so than the food (although we did eat at some great places).

We stayed in a hotel and I went in the bathroom and said, 'Wow, this bathtub is huge!'.  James said it was not and that it was actually the same size as the one in my house, standard size.  I have lived in my house for a year now, but have never taken a bath there.  I always felt too big to have a nice bath, even though it is something I used to love.  It isn't real comfortable and the water just kind of used to go 'around' me instead of 'over' me so I can relax.  So, I had a bath in the hotel... came back home and had another bath.  I love it.  I also used to worry about getting stuck in the bathtub or breaking my ass trying to get out (I heard a horror story once and have always been nervous about it, since I was so darn big).  Anyhow, I will take that as a HUGE victory and I feel great about it.  It's sad and maybe even a little embarassing to admit and remember how weight issues held me back.  I plan to continue to shrink on the outside and grow stronger on the inside.

Life is good.  I'm happy with myself and it's been a while since I could say that.  I feel supported and loved, but I would deny or fail to see that if I wasn't happy with and loving ME first. 

Book Progress: The Food & Feelings Workbook by Karen R. Koenig, LCSW
I have finished the Introduction
Chapter 1: The Function of Feelings (You Mean there's a Point to all this Misery?)
Chapter 2: Fear of Feelings (Can't I learn to Outrun Them?)
Chapter 3: Feelings, Not Food (I'd Rather Suck on a Lemon!)

Cute titles, huh?  I will do a post on it sometime this week before my next weigh-in.  I find it to be a very valuable tool, it shows me how I have been slowly reprogramming myself... but identified some of the dysfunctions I need to still work through.  It's not the all mighty how to stop emotional eating and I don't think there is a book out there that is - but it is a wonderful resource.   

30x30 list update

Updated where I am on the goals:

http://missapril-30before30.blogspot.com/p/30x30-list-progress-and-notes.html

I took on a lot for a year's time.... maybe I can do a 31 by 31 when I'm done?  Haha, yeah right!

Also, Kelly.... If you read this post, I haven't seen your blog in ages!  Miss you.  Blogger hates me!

Blogger still sucks

I'm unable to read a lot of blogs that I adore!  I click on the Title of the post and nothing happens.  I click on the Blog Title (usually person's name or whatever) and then the page loads, but only for about 10 seconds, then it goes white.  This has been happening for about 10 days.  It used to be I just couldn't comment, but now I can't read the blogs at all!  What the heck?!  Anyone else?

Ok, back to work.  It's seriously hectic here.  The good news is I booked a work related trip to a conference in the beautiful Albuquerque, New Mexico for March!  YES!!!! 

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner

So busy at work today I didn't even have time to blog this morning!  WTF?!

Ok, so I felt guilty wishing I had 30 water bottles to give out... but, that just was not going to happen.  However, I did snag another one on sale, so there will be two winners.  I love shopping all weekend, so fun. 

1. Taryn
2. Tim

Really, guys?  Nobody in the United States won?  You couldn't have commented 1 second before them so you were the winner?  Haha, this should be interesting.  I asked my sister about int'l shipping, because she used to ship huge packages to Germany all the time and she said it's not that bad.  So, we shall see.  So, foreigners/winners - just email me your info and eventually you shall receive a water bottle and pack of replacement filters.  I guess hit me up in 6 months for replacement filters because your country doesn't have them?  LOL.  By then, you should be far into the habit of hydration and all will be well in the world!

My email address is listed over there somewhere by my profile pic, and notice that it has two 'L's in it.  I often don't get emails that people send because they only put one L.  Mmmmkay?

Thanks for entering.  Maybe next time?  ;) 

Brita Water Bottle with filters - do you want it? - CLOSED

A couple weeks ago, I found a this on sale so I bought two! I have been using it for a couple weeks now and believe it is a great purchase, so one of you lucky people get to win one... if you want.  Just comment saying you would like to win it.  I'll leave it open until Sunday night/Monday morning.  Monday morning I will choose winner at total random.  Oh, you get the water bottle and a 2 pack of replacement filters.  It says to replace the filters every 2 months or so many uses, so you are set for 6 months on filters (because it already has one in it as well as the two pack replacement I'm sending)! 

I like the product a lot!  My office has a water cooler and I usually just fill my cup over and over, but sometimes the water runs out.  That leaves us with the water from the drinking fountain by the bathrooms and I have to tell you - I think it's toilet water.  It is awful stuff!  I bought this to use when we run out of water cooler stuff (which is often).  If it can make my office fountain water taste good, it can filter anything!  So yeah, since I scored such a good deal - I'd love to share the goodness of having a water bottle ready to go.  Let me know if you want to win.  Open to anyone, anywhere.

So, I'll see ya on Monday.  I have a fabulous weekend away planned!  

kickass random email of the week!

April,

Hi.  I will be as nice as I can.  I just don’t like you.  I don’t like your blog. I don’t like how you tell stories that are just, well weird. I think 50 pounds since June is probably good and you should have done it a long time ago. It’s in 6 months so that’s good and probably how people lose 100 pounds in a year, your goal shold be that instead of just 85.  Maybe even more.  You should be embarrassed to be so big and continue posting pictures of you being drunk and/or happy - it has to be all fake.  What size clothes do you wear and how do you even find them to party in when you're so big.  I mean, you realize you are really big?  I will stay as a follower for now, but expect your number to drop by at least one follower in the near future. If I can get others to drop you, I will because your pointless.

*******Ok, random follower.  Thanks for the email.  Your email was just sent with the initials 'R.J.'.   However, I took the time to stalk the email address on Facebook and guess what?  Caught you, Rhonda!  Rhonda, please stop wasting your time reading my blog and sending me emails.  You could spend that time working on losing your own 50-85-100 pounds and maybe going to the dentist because your teeth are a tad bit on the green side.  That is a lovely jail tattoo on your husband's neck and I am very happy that you recently won $10 off of a $2 Monopoly scratch ticket and it apparently made your day even though it wasn't enough to pay your water bill so it was disconnected for 2 days.  The good news is you still had access to the internet to post all your woes and Iron Maiden youtube videos on your Facebook!!  Who needs running water anyway?  Congrats!  Stay classy and keep posting the pics of you and your friends drinking malt liquor in a garage, talk about embarrassing!   
    To answer your questions - yes, I realize I am big.  That is why I have lost 62 pounds and continue to lose more.  The 85 pound goal by my 30th birthday would put me at the weight of 220 - which was my first big target.  I will venture down to Onederland after I reach that milestone, mkay?  I buy my clothes at various places: Lane Bryant, Torrid online, Cato, Fashion Bug, Target and every once in a while - Walmart.  I am not the least bit embarrassed to post pictures of myself, this is my blog - I will do what I want and post what I want.  The overall objective wasn't for this to be JUST about weight loss - I have a whole list of 30 things I am working on in the next three months before I turn 30.  Life also happens along the way and I write about it. 
   As far as losing a follower and you wanting to rally other people to stop following my blog - be my guest.  You just click on the Follow button and it says 'you are already following' this blog and it gives you the option to STOP FOLLOWING 30 Before 30 - bam!  Done deal, now hurry the fuck up and do it!!!! 

Weigh In :)

Jan 11: 253
Jan 18: 249

Hello, 240's - I love you!  250's- it was real, it was fun; but, it wasn't real fun.  Sorry to say, I'll never see your punk ass again. 



This weigh in with an amazing 4 pound loss is pretty much due to the support and love of my amazing boyfriend, James.  He's been crazy supportive lately, I think because I've been more vocal about how much I want this.  He always tells me how smart he thinks I am, that quote above reminded me of something he said to me recently.  He said that his idiot cousin recently lost 70 pounds and she doesn't have half the smarts I do, so why don't I try a little harder?  He's never mean about it, I never feel degraded or like he wants me to do it for 'him', to look better for 'him'.  He just genuinely wants me to be happy, which isn't something that other boyfriends seemed to give two fucks about, so it's been wonderful.  I can feel his love and how much he wants me to be happy just by how he looks at me.  I was reading a book and looked up and he was staring at me and I got chills thinking, 'fuck, this guy really loves me.  I can feel it in his look, how he talks to me'.  I can't explain it, so I quit trying to label it and just live it and be happy.  It's awesome because we are total equals, we never try to be one up on the other.  We don't take childish stances on things when we have a disagreement - we talk, like respectful adults and furthermore, best friends.  I don't know how I came to need him, but here I am.  I don't know what brought him into my life that day, but I think the stars aligned in my favor for once.  Enough of that, huh!  :) 

I think my little 'no drinking' challenge (requested by James) for the month of January is helping too.  It's scary how much I missed booze the first 7 days or so.  After I quit being a big baby about it, I just started killing it with workouts.  I think I exercise about 2.5 hours a day, easily.  I've also started purging my house.  I've thrown out so much stuff and it feels great.  I've read articles about the correlation between having a bunch of 'stuff' and a bunch of extra pounds.  It's been said that people are filling voids with material things.  You best believe I have the cutest home decor, millions of books, two desks, two laptops, the biggest stereo system ever.... but, what did I really have?  Not much, my friends.  Not much.  There has been more strength gained emotionally than anything else.  I'm glad I met James when I had already come pretty far, I had gained a lot of confidence already... or I would have pushed him away and wrecked a good thing on purpose.  I'm crazy like that, or I 'was' - Progress, not Perfection. 

I am doing a workbook called "The Food and Feelings Workbook" by Karen R. Koenig, LCSW.  I am working through the book on the same schedule of another fabulous blogger, Jillian over at My Crazy, Beautiful Life.  We are just getting started, I am working on Chapter 2 after doing the Intro & Ch 1.  It's a good book and I'm interested just to see how it all works out, what I learn.  I like that it isn't just a good read, it is WORK.  I've looked at some of the self assessment and they will require a lot of personal insight.  I need it though, I am such an emotional eater.  I remember eating until I was almost sick, hiding wrappers and food containers from friends and family.  I'd go home and eat a full meal before going out to dinner with friends.  I've had a rough life, a lot of my childhood was torture and I didn't know if I would survive some days.  There were also days I didn't even want to wake up again.  It's nice to be working through some of that on my own and with this book as a tool.  The support from you all is wonderful as well, I would have given up without it.

I'm just happy as ever to be in the 240's.  I weighed myself like 5 times just to be sure I really was out of the 250's.  I hope to lose another 3 pounds this week to get a good distance away from the 250's.  I think a big help has been having super light dinners.  Last night I had 1 oz of cheese, 6 crackers and an orange.  I'm just not that hungry in the evenings.  I drink a shit ton of water too, probably at least 100 ounces.  I have also started drinking green tea, usually 24 ounces a day.

Life is good and I hope it is for all of you as well.  If any of you are drinking a margarita any time soon, please drink one for me!!

I'm not a Runner, but I want to be....

Katie over at Runs for Cookies wrote a great post today about How to get started as a runner.  I recently started following some 'formerly fat' runner blogs and they're all amazing.  One of my goals on my 30x30 list is to be able to run 3 miles without feeling or sounding like I am on the brink of death.  Well, the time is now to get started because I turn 30 in 3 months.  I want to start looking for 5ks and sign up for one this spring.  There is actually a 10k race on my 30th birthday in Las Vegas (where I will be celebrating my birthday!).  I can't do a freakin' 10k though, I wish they had a 5k.  What better way to start my 30th year on this Earth.... healthy, knocking a goal out and treating my body good with a run.  I just wish they had a 5k and not just the 10k. 

Any thoughts, idea, suggestions, recommendations, inspirations......... I don't think I will just love the heck out of running - but I know it's great exercise and it's like walking (which is my favorite), only faster and more effective.  I think that's what I need right about this time.

The 3 Symptoms of Killing our Dreams

This is a copy and paste from Paulo Coelho's Blog.  I adore Coelho, sometimes his thoughts can almost bring me to tears thinking about 'change' and fighting for my own life.  *Funny, I clicked on the link to make sure it worked and today's topic on his blog is reasons to have sex.  That's not usually what is posted there, but wow - some great points are made.  Get your freak on!  Cruise through some of the other posts and thoughts on his blog - he is so genuine and amazing. * 

The first symptom of the process of our killing our dreams is the lack of time. The busiest people I have known in my life always have time enough to do everything. Those who do nothing are always tired and pay no attention to the little amount of work they are required to do. They complain constantly that the day is too short. The truth is, they are afraid to fight the Good Fight.

The second symptom of the death of our dreams lies in our certainties. Because we don’t want to see life as a grand adventure, we begin to think of ourselves as wise and fair and correct in asking so little of life. We look beyond the walls of our day-to-day existence, and we hear the sound of lances breaking, we smell the dust and the sweat, and we see the great defeats and the fire in the eyes of the warriors. But we never see the delight, the immense delight in the hearts of those who are engaged in the battle. For them, neither victory nor defeat is important; what’s important is only that they are fighting the Good Fight.

And, finally, the third symptom of the passing of our dreams is peace. Life becomes a Sunday afternoon; we ask for nothing grand, and we cease to demand anything more than we are willing to give. In that state, we think of ourselves as being mature; we put aside the fantasies of our youth, and we seek personal and professional achievement. We are surprised when people our age say that they still want this or that out of life. But really, deep in our hearts, we know that what has happened is that we have renounced the battle for our dreams – we have refused to fight the Good Fight.

Weigh In

Jan 4: 255.5
Today: 253

Yes!  I feel good about that.



Rewards list?! What works?

Do you use a 'rewards list' and do you find it to be motivating?  I have one all written up, I used it for the first 30 pounds or so... but that was it.  I didn't get my 45 or 50 or 60 pounds lost reward.  (Well, beside the fact that I gained some of it back after hitting 60)

I missed the bandwagon for goals for the year or even the month.  I'm at a little of a slump as far as feeling motivated.  Granted, I don't think 'buying' myself a 'prize' means I'll be super motivated, but who knows.  I think my biggest motivation is that I'm going on a trip in April and miracle baby comes so I know there will be lots of pictures.  But, if it's not until April - I don't have to rock shit out until March, right?  Goal jeans are on the fridge, but they've been there since October and still don't fit - I'm so over it.  (They have $50 in the pocket for when I do fit them, remember.... there's a 'reward' right there that I seem to not care about). 

'To be healthy' doesn't seem to be an influence on me........ Don't get me wrong- I've been exercising and eating well - I actually anticipate to have a GOOD weigh in tomorrow, but... overall - I'm really passive about it at the moment.  I can't seem to care when I just think about the big picture, I need something tangible for right now.

This is how I feel right now...

They're so tight!  They are my new goal pants for 8-10 pounds away.  I thought I could fit them, I got them button and zipped this morning thanks to Spanx... but oh my goodness... they're starting to hurt. 

I'm going to rock the hell out of some Jillian Michaels and BL Strength DVDs.  I'm going to eat a really big salad and some shredded chicken that is patiently waiting for me in the Crock pot.  It's going to be a good evening and thankfully, these pants will be on the ground where they belong.  

OMFG - Gooogle/Blogger

I was logged in here making a few comments on Posts this morning, minding my own business.  After I typed a comment, it took me to the Log In Page, then re-directed me to some page stating my Account had been deactivated.  I sent them an email on the form stating I didn't have any activity that was against their little Policies, so WTF?  I never received an email back, but came here now (about 5 hours later) to log in and it said my Account would be Activated again if I provided a phone number.  They sent me a text message as confirmation to Restore my account, stating it was deactivated due to 'suspicious activity'.  I think the suspicious activity is that I've skipped the prompt asking for my phone number for the past month!  Mother fuckers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I think I'm back in business.  Until they read this post.  Haha.

**I went in and checked my stats, just to see.  There were over 40 hits from Google and the search terms were stuff like 'Where is Miss aprils 30 before 30 blog?'.  'Miss april 30 before 30 blog disappeared?'.  You guys are cute to search such things when I go missing.  It's creepy, adorable cool..... :)

I've been Tagged!

The gorgeous Cyn and the adorable Bailey have both tagged me.  I can't think of anything to blog about really and I'm up bored on a Saturday morning so - here goes nothing!
here are the rules:
1. post these rules.
2. you must post 11 random things yourself.
3. answer the ques­tions the tag­ger set for you in their post.
4. cre­ate 11 new ques­tions for the peo­ple you tag to answer.
5. go to their blog and tell them that you've tagged them.
6. no stuff in the tag­ging sec­tion about ‘you are tagged if you are read­ing this.’ blah blah blah, you legit­i­mately have to tag 11 peeps!

11 Random Things:
1. My Christmas tree is still up and it is January 7th.  Pathetic!
2. I love Kenra & Paul Mitchell hair products.  :) Big fuckin hair rocks!
3. I love eating and making casseroles - everything is already in it.  Not separate meat, veg, etc..  All in one!  Need healthy variations, if you have any.
4. I finally got the book, "The Secret".  The one that Oprah and the whole country and world went nutso about.  Recently, it had been recommended to me yet again so I decided to give it a whirl.  Kelly is also reading it and I adore her, so I figured it can't be that bad.
5. I love burning incense in my house.  I had done it all the time at my previous apartment and after about a year, a friend of mine asked if I smoked pot.  She was under the impression that only potheads used incense?  Crazy girl.
6. I am thinking about my future, my sister's miracle baby, my job, etc.. One reason why I don't want to leave my current job is that this job has a large budget for travelling.  Other Social Work agencies don't have that kind of money for travel - I'd hate to lose out on networking at conferences across the country.  Is that selfish or what!
7. "Hope" is my favorite word/thought.  I have a few items of home decor that says Hope on it and it's also on my Christmas tree.  Without hope, what is there?
8. I haven't used table salt to sprinkle on my food for about 3 years.  My Doctor talked to me about my high blood pressure, I changed a lot of habits.  I use black pepper like a maniac and salt food while cooking for taste, but that's it.  Most foods are too salty for me and when I see people dumping salt all over their food, I just want to punch them.
9. My favorite date is a coffee shop.  You actually get to visit, the music in the background is always chill and awesome, I love coffee.  I don't understand movies as first dates - when do you talk?  Dinner is good, but coffee shop dates are the BEST.
10. I am researching Juicers and think I will be buying one of my big purchases for January.  :)  Breville juice fountain plus seems to be the winner!
11. I am happy that NFL football will be over soon - people are too crazy and talk too much crap about it on Facebook and it annoys the hell out of me.  Isn't Super Bowl soon so that means it's over, right?  Please!

Cyn asked these questions:
  1. what is your middle name & the story behind it? I don't really have one.  I always think its funny that so many people ask this question and I don't have an answer! :)
2. what is the best concert/show you have ever been to? Either Foo Fighters or Rob Zombie, both were so rockin and kick ass.  Zombie I've seen twice and both were totally epic.
3. favorite perfume/body spray? Burberry Weekend!
4. would you ever have plastic surgery & if so what would you have done? After the weight loss, yes.  Probably something to the tummy or like Runs for Cookie's lower body lift.  I am also losing a lot of the fullness of my boobs and I am worried they're going to look all jacked up and sagged out - forget that!  I would definitely have surgery to lift, fill and perk them little babies right back up. 
5. what is your biggest fear? Snakes!  I effin' hate snakes!
6. who do think is the most annoying celebrity right now? I don't keep up with pop culture bullshit.  I don't understand why some people are famous like the Kardashians or those Jersey Shore people.  I mean, really?  I also think they are a horrible influence on our young people.
7. who is the funniest person you know? my ex.  Yeah, I know.  But really, I could laugh 24 hours a day with him.  We both have a sick sense of humor too, so yeah.... :)  Good times.
8. favorite disney princess? Cinderella!  or Ariel in the Little Mermaid, if she counts as a Princess.
9. someone (other than spouse/partner) that just melts your butter big time? Chef Michael Symon. Don't laugh!  I don't know why, but I just love him.  He's totally not usually my look, I never go for old white bald guys... but I love his smile, his eyes and oh my gosh - his laugh is amazing.  I like his attitude and personality.  Mostly his smile and laugh, they make me melt.  Watch him on Iron Chef or one of the other shows and wait for his laugh and smile - it's a little amazing. 
10. favorite form of exercise? Walking. Simple.  Thinking time.  Playlist.  Not a care in the world.  Walking!
11. what is your dream profession? Well, this is a tough one.  I can tell you that with two Bachelor's degrees and one Master's degree - I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.  I like being in Administration, which is what I do now.  I am the boss over a grant program that I contract the work out for.  I see the flaws in the set-up though and would like to improve it.  I think that is part of what I've always done is look for ways to improve things within agency systems.  I'd like to be some kind of consultant that agencies or businesses call in when things go sideways.  I can study their organizational leadership and behavior, staffing patterns, human capital, etc. and make recommendations on how to improve it.  I'm kind of a wicked smart bitch like that.  If it's not effective, clean the mess up and move on with a successful program.  That really is my dream job.  :)  One day it might just come true!

Bailey J asked these questions:
1. why is your favorite color your favorite color? Red.  It's sexy, sassy, confident and classic.  For clothing, decor, accessories.  I love red!
2. have you ever been in trouble with the law? A couple questionings, never an arrest.  I also got lucky as hell to not be charged with serious crimes on 2 occasions.  Fuck, I cringe just thinking about it.
3. if you could go one place in the entire world for one week, free of charge, where would you go? London!
4. if you could take one person with you, who would it be? My sister, of course!
5. if there was one disease you could cure (that doesn't already have one, clearly) what would it be? why? Cancer sucks.
6. what is your guilty pleasure? For food it is cherry cheesecake.  For time wasting it is lying in bed reading books all day. Combine the two and you have a happy fat April!
7. what is your least favorite acronym or.. whatever those things are called? (ie : wtf, btw, lol, lmfao, ftw) smh?  Shaking my head?  Is that what it means, I hate it.
8. would you rather have 12 toes or a hugeee nose? Toes.
9. who was your favorite backstreet boy? I didn't have one because I was a rock chick even back them, never listened to boy bands. 
10. what is the one electronic device you wouldn't miss at all? Toaster. 
11. if i want to be your lover, do i gotta get with your friends? Make it last forever, friendship never ends!  Bailey, you are a silly girl.

11 People I'm Tagging
1. Dawniepants
2. Jen
3. Frankie
4. Chubby
5. Colie
6. Nanette
7. Tim
8. Hyla
9. Becca
10. Rochelle
11. D

11 Questions:
1. What are your all time favorite songs? 1-3 choices and why?
2. Who is your favorite author and/or book?
3. What is a word that you dislike and wish would be abolished from the human language? (I shudder at the word "kiddos" to refer to children, it just sounds stupid and creepy to me...)
4. What is your dream job/career/profession?
5. Do you have a particular tradition on your birthday?
6. What is your dream vacation spot?
7. What is your biggest nerd trait or habit, if any? (I read newspapers front to back and I also count letters in sentences when I'm talking to people.)
8. Do you believe in ghosts and/or spirits?  Any encounters/hauntings?
9. From the time you get out of bed until you get out the door for the day to work or wherever... how long does it take you?  Shower, dress, make-up, coffee, etc..?
10. Did you have a childhood toy, teddy bear, etc. that was your fave and what was its name?
11. Did you make 2012 Resolutions and what are the top two?

Oh my goodness, that took forever!  It was fun though and actually got me thinking about a few things.  For the 11 I tagged, you don't have to play along and I won't be offended.  It is always fun to learn a little more about our fellow bloggers.  Random facts are fun. 

Happy Weekend everyone!

Pumpkin Smoothie

I've been drinking these for months and meant to share when it was the fall season - but I didn't get around to it.  These are a great, quick, filling breakfast!  I love to make them or green smoothies. 

8 oz Silk Almond milk - 90
1 banana - 70
1/2 can pumpkin - 83
1 tsp vanilla - 12
Cinnamon - 6
Ginger - 6
1 tbsp raisins - 33

Total: 300

The original recipe called for 1 tbsp brown sugar or maple syrup.  I used the brown sugar, but have since replaced it with raisins or I skip this part completely.  I am not very tech savvy, so my little X through the tbsp of brown sugar looks a little goofy, but hey -I tried!  I love buying the little 4 packs of almond milk, they're delicious and so handy to grab on the go if necessary with a piece of fruit for a snack or quick light meal. 

The recipe calls for 1/2 can pumpkin.  To measure, I spread it in a container then scored it in half with a butter knife.  I have since cut the recipe down to 1/3 can of pumpkin because 1/2 is too pumpkin-ey.  I am a pumpkin fanatic, so if it's too pumpkin-ey for me, it's really full of pumpkin!  I just do this then score it in 3 sections, makes a quick  breakfast for 3 days of the week - talk about a cheap recipe too!

All blended and ready to rock in my 'Wickedly Sinful' Vegas cup... mmmm.  Great to sip on while getting ready in the morning.  Drinking my breakfast out of this glass with rock & roll blaring through the house makes me feel like a Rockstar and I know it's going to be a damn good day!

So thick, creamy and delicious!!  It def eats like a meal, I don't get hungry for hours.  Fiber, protein, and lots of great nutrients with the pumpkin and banana!  I love this breakfast!

Weigh In

December 18: 253
January 4: 255.5

I am going to switch my weigh in back to Wednesdays.  That's how I always used to do it, then I got random and did it Saturday, Sunday or Monday and posted.  Weigh-In Wednesday.  I won't forget. 

So, where did I go 'wrong' with the holidays?  Baked goods and homemade pasta salad and mac&cheese.  On the actual 'holiday dinner', I stuck to a plan.  The other meals and snacks of the 12 day break seemed to be a free for all.  I would have one sugary treat and it would just make me want to have another.

I did 23 days of the 30 day Shred.  I then went out of state and was staying at my sister's 2nd story apartment and didn't want her downstairs neighbors to think there was an earthquake in their building.  I should have resumed on the 28th when I got home, but I didn't. 

Water is consistent and plentiful.  I need it!  So do you, now drink up!

Calories - obviously, I was a big baby on the holidays and acted like it didn't matter.  I was inching my way to the 240's and now.... I've headed the wrong direction on the scale.  Ugh.

I will say that I have had more fruits and veggies in the last couple weeks than I've had in a while.  My fridge is solid stocked with them again too.  I have SO much more energy.  Now, I just need to put it to use!  Natural, wholesome nutrients work wonders, who knew.... :)

Booze - I saw James for the first time in over a week on Monday.  I was exhausted.  We just relaxed.  So Tuesday night, when he stopped by I had opened a beer.  I drank one, then I went to get another.  When I got back in the living room, he said "I dare you to not drink for the month of January".  I said, 'I double dog dare you to not gamble for the month of January'.  He said, 'Game On'.  We then did have a pretty long conversation about my drinking and his gambling.  Funny because he is drinking every time he gambles which is EVERY DAY - but I decided to choose my battles, and I'm more concerned about the gambling.  The drinking may be just a secondary bad habit to pass the time while he throws his money in the machine. 
         He gave some interesting reasons as to why he gambles and truth is, I can see his point.  He won a very large sum of money gambling a few years back, he really believes he is 'lucky'.  He claims he gambles the same $200 over and over during a week and never loses, usually comes out with a profit.  I really don't see how that can be true, but I'm not with him most of the time he is gambling.  I don't believe it though.  He did some wise investments and made some solid purchases when he won the big prize a few years ago.  He got screwed in the divorce with some of it though.  We'll see how this goes.  I am totally down to not drink at all this month.  I'll take the challenge.

Blog Awards

During the crazy, criminal stalker period of my life - I was so kindly bestowed with blog awards.  I never got around to posting about them as my life was a madhouse, but it's a new year and I feel good about a lot of things.  I want to take the time to properly accept the awards from the lovely ladies who linked me to their posts.

Stormy, Poison and Sharon gave me the Versatile Blogger Award!! 

Versatile: ver-sa-tile [vur-suh-tl] or, especially British, [vur-suh-tahyl]: capable of, or adapted for, turning easily from one to another various tasks, fields of endeavor, etc.: a versatile writer.Word information source: www.dictionary.com


Here is how the award works:
1. You thank the person who presented you with the award.
2. You tell 7 things about yourself.
3. You award 15 other newly discovered bloggers.

Thanks so much, Stormy, Jen and Sharon! These ladies have great blogs, so go check them out!

 Stormy is actually hosting a Challenge that starts like, today.  She has quite a few participants and if you're looking for the support for your resolution or just to keep you on track or back on the wagon - go check it out.  Spring Chick Challenge! 

Sharon has faced some obstacles and some rude comments/posts from others - but she keeps to the goals and moves forward.  What else can you really do?  Get right back on, realize the importance of shedding the pounds towards a healthier life.  She leaves positive and supportive comments and I appreciate that so much! :)

Jen at A New Poison has always been one of my favorite bloggers!  Her progress pictures, determination and spirit are amazing.  So inspiring!

Cyn awarded me with the Tell me About Yourself and Lovely Blog Award.  The Lovely says to tell 7 things about yourself, I'll get to that here shortly.  Cyn is freakin' awesome.  She swears and throws F-bombs around like it's nobody's business.  She is a Jillian Michaels Machine and just lives life to the fullest.  I adore her and her totally bitchin' blog! :)  Check it out!

Well, since there are 2 awards that ask for 7, that is 14 Random things about me.  I am feeling self-indulgent, so why the hell not!

1. My motto of grad school and my job is: "I run on coffee and deadlines".  It's usually true and you don't want to know me on a Monday morning until I've had at least two cups of coffee.  I drink 40 ounces of coffee every morning.  I grind the beans and get the coffee maker ready to go the night before.  My friend and I joke about me 'drinking 40's' every morning. 

2. I have two half brothers (from my Mom's first marriage), two sisters and one younger sister/niece.  My oldest sister had a baby when she was 15, so my Mom adopted the baby and she was raised as my sister.  She does know that she is in fact my niece and that my sister is her Mother.  The tangled web that is my family is a hot mess.   

3. I love making lists!  I make a list every morning at work and at the end of the day for things to do when I get home.  I love making grocery lists, shopping, holiday lists, lists to do for cleaning, lists of CDs/DVDs I own, etc... I am a list making lunatic!!

4. I used to win spelling bees all the time in school.  :)

5. I live in a 2 bedroom house by myself.  I have my bed set up in the dining room.  One bedroom is a hodge podge with some storage, an older TV with a DVD player for exercising and soon to be my exercise bike.  It's my mini gym.  The other room has a folding table with my laptop on it, even though I usually use it in the living room.  It has all my clothes, shoes, dresser, etc.  It's like a glorified closet.  I have a little nook in my kitchen that I put my dining table and chairs in.  It makes no sense, but I love it.

6. I am going to be a godmother!  My best friend from college had a beautiful baby girl on December 1.  She will be baptized early February and yours truly will be her godmother.  Her name is Isabelle, and they call her Elle.... like me - Ellie!  :) 

7. My text messages for last month were 741, a combination of sent and received messages.  Yeah, I text a lot. 

8. One of my closest friends is a guy that I started chatting with while playing Yahoo games.  He lives in a town 2 hours away from me, but we've never met in person.  We often share pictures and long phone conversations.  We have agreed to meet and have lunch or something sometime in 2012.  We started chatting/playing a game on Valentine's Day 2002.  We always wish each other "Happy Valen-versary", this February will be 10 years.  We need to get a life.

9. I love candles!  I like to decorate with them all over the house.  I like to light them and turn off all the other lights.

10. My childhood dream job was to be a cashier.  I wanted to be able to push all the buttons on a cash register.  I never did it during high school, so when I was 25 I applied for a seasonal position at Target as a cashier.  I loved it.  I like to see how fast I can complete a transaction and how well and quickly I can bag the items.  If it would pay the bills, I would just be a cashier forever.  It's a great job.  I worked at Hobby Lobby the following year as a seasonal cashier during Christmas, but it wasn't as easy.  Hobby Lobby doesn't have bar codes, you punch every item in and have to remember what is on sale and what department it is in.  It was more of a challenge than Target, but it was still fun.

11. (actually 10 continued...) My favorite transactions while cashiering are the ones that pay in cash and the cost is $#.59.  That means their change is $#.41.  When you give someone .41 in change that is one quarter, one dime, one nickel and one penny.  In my head, I call it "Jackpot!".  When the total ends in .59 and they start handing me cash, I think "Jackpot!" and I'm all happy that I get to quickly grab one of each coin in the tray as their change.  Gosh, I'm weird.  

12. Music is life.  I listen to my playlists, CDs or Pandora first thing in the morning, all day at work and in the evening.  I love discovering new artists.  I listen to a wide variety of music, but I still hate country.  I just can't listen to it.  I am a rock and roll girl at heart, but have an appreciation for all music. 

13. I hate escalators.  I can go up on them, but riding down on them makes me pukey and dizzy.  I always take an elevator, or just do stairs.  I hesitate too much while heading down and it just makes me puke.  Also, they are the total devil when you're drunk in Las Vegas.  Stay away!

14. I had surgery in August 2004 to remove a cyst from my ovary.  It was the size of a football.  I lost 22 pounds after the surgery.  I have a picture of it and it's disgusting.  It had its own blood supply and pulse, I could feel it moving around in there.  It was pretty much like being pregnant with having to pee all the time and all that jazz.  Fuckin disgusting. 

Okay, that's it.  I am too much of a loser to pass these on.  I hate to leave people out as I read so many awesome blogs.  I also went and checked a few of my top ones and they have the awards already, so whatev.  Thanks ladies for the awards.  It only took me a few months to get around to posting about them.

Happy New Year

I'm still alive, much to my own surprise.  I've been living in holiday fun since the 23rd or so, I can't even remember.  It was last year, I do know that much.  I am too exhausted to give a full report and well as far as the scale - ouch.  I gained 4 pounds in 2 weeks.  I finally have my house back to myself and can sit here and actually hear my own thoughts - so I'll figure out a new plan.  Things went crazy here, but it was all fun.  Snacks and baking got the best of me.  I was off work and wore sweat pants a few too many times, they were roomy and too big so I thought I'd fix that by eating more cheesecake and pasta.

Bla.  I got a Wii for Christmas!  :)  I also got some random stuff, it was a good holiday.  Tomorrow is back to work, uggghhh.  My brain is fried, I'll give more of an update when I can.  I missed blogging and always wanted to come on here and be nosey to see what other people were doing, but never had time!  I will be working through catching up with blogs this week.  Work isn't so suck-tastic this week, so I can concentrate on the important things, like blogging, while they pay me to sit in my office.  :) 

See you around real soon, lovelies!  Lets make 2012 count, huh?