Weigh In :)

Jan 11: 253
Jan 18: 249

Hello, 240's - I love you!  250's- it was real, it was fun; but, it wasn't real fun.  Sorry to say, I'll never see your punk ass again. 



This weigh in with an amazing 4 pound loss is pretty much due to the support and love of my amazing boyfriend, James.  He's been crazy supportive lately, I think because I've been more vocal about how much I want this.  He always tells me how smart he thinks I am, that quote above reminded me of something he said to me recently.  He said that his idiot cousin recently lost 70 pounds and she doesn't have half the smarts I do, so why don't I try a little harder?  He's never mean about it, I never feel degraded or like he wants me to do it for 'him', to look better for 'him'.  He just genuinely wants me to be happy, which isn't something that other boyfriends seemed to give two fucks about, so it's been wonderful.  I can feel his love and how much he wants me to be happy just by how he looks at me.  I was reading a book and looked up and he was staring at me and I got chills thinking, 'fuck, this guy really loves me.  I can feel it in his look, how he talks to me'.  I can't explain it, so I quit trying to label it and just live it and be happy.  It's awesome because we are total equals, we never try to be one up on the other.  We don't take childish stances on things when we have a disagreement - we talk, like respectful adults and furthermore, best friends.  I don't know how I came to need him, but here I am.  I don't know what brought him into my life that day, but I think the stars aligned in my favor for once.  Enough of that, huh!  :) 

I think my little 'no drinking' challenge (requested by James) for the month of January is helping too.  It's scary how much I missed booze the first 7 days or so.  After I quit being a big baby about it, I just started killing it with workouts.  I think I exercise about 2.5 hours a day, easily.  I've also started purging my house.  I've thrown out so much stuff and it feels great.  I've read articles about the correlation between having a bunch of 'stuff' and a bunch of extra pounds.  It's been said that people are filling voids with material things.  You best believe I have the cutest home decor, millions of books, two desks, two laptops, the biggest stereo system ever.... but, what did I really have?  Not much, my friends.  Not much.  There has been more strength gained emotionally than anything else.  I'm glad I met James when I had already come pretty far, I had gained a lot of confidence already... or I would have pushed him away and wrecked a good thing on purpose.  I'm crazy like that, or I 'was' - Progress, not Perfection. 

I am doing a workbook called "The Food and Feelings Workbook" by Karen R. Koenig, LCSW.  I am working through the book on the same schedule of another fabulous blogger, Jillian over at My Crazy, Beautiful Life.  We are just getting started, I am working on Chapter 2 after doing the Intro & Ch 1.  It's a good book and I'm interested just to see how it all works out, what I learn.  I like that it isn't just a good read, it is WORK.  I've looked at some of the self assessment and they will require a lot of personal insight.  I need it though, I am such an emotional eater.  I remember eating until I was almost sick, hiding wrappers and food containers from friends and family.  I'd go home and eat a full meal before going out to dinner with friends.  I've had a rough life, a lot of my childhood was torture and I didn't know if I would survive some days.  There were also days I didn't even want to wake up again.  It's nice to be working through some of that on my own and with this book as a tool.  The support from you all is wonderful as well, I would have given up without it.

I'm just happy as ever to be in the 240's.  I weighed myself like 5 times just to be sure I really was out of the 250's.  I hope to lose another 3 pounds this week to get a good distance away from the 250's.  I think a big help has been having super light dinners.  Last night I had 1 oz of cheese, 6 crackers and an orange.  I'm just not that hungry in the evenings.  I drink a shit ton of water too, probably at least 100 ounces.  I have also started drinking green tea, usually 24 ounces a day.

Life is good and I hope it is for all of you as well.  If any of you are drinking a margarita any time soon, please drink one for me!!