It's 9:30am on Saturday. Soon, I will be off for my 50 mile drive for grocery goodness. I am running out of stuff for my juicer and my juice fast isn't over for 3 more days (Sat-Sun-Mon). I've been reading on how to come off a juice fast. Lots of ideas, not too many rules, but I do have to take it easy. I think I want to keep having at least 1 juice per day. It's just wonderful!
I knew this day would come and we both dreaded it.... but the building that James was working on in our town is done. He now lives back in his town full time. He has practically lived with me since mid-November, while here building part of the school. Now, the job is done and he is gone. We have talked about it a lot, we are both committed to making this work. He is so wonderful. He has re-intoduced me to communication, honesty, respect.... all the things I had missed out on for so long while dating total jerks. They weren't all like that, but the majority of them were....... He now lives 2.5 hours away. I'm still relatively new to this town, so I think I'm going to be lonely a lot of evenings during this transition. This sucks, but we have a great relationship.... so we'll be fine.
We still have discussions about the gambling. He and his friends go to the casino's poker tournament every weekend. The casino sends a driver (sometimes a Hummer limo) for them, they're THOSE guys. The 'high rollers'... whatever. He knows it is the one thing that bugs me and he has made improvement. He thought I drank too much, and I haven't had a drop of alcohol in two months. He had made major changes in the gambling. I've been a total bitch to him about how it is one thing that scares me, it is a completely destructive addiction. I give him the same allowances that I always give myself... Progress, not Perfection. He's back in the same town now with the same friends who gamble like crazy. If there's an end to us, it will be the gambling. I've told him that. I will stand by it too. I watched gambling destroy my life when I was a kid. I still see my Mom struggle with it. I won't be a part of it again. Nope.
I have no energy or interest in going on this long trip for groceries. It's ridiculous, I can't wait unti summer when the farmers are selling their melons and veggies on the side of the road out of the back of their pickup trucks.
Well, the road is calling...... off to get some green, organic goodness from the grocery store miles and miles away. Have a lovely Saturday.
Go check out Mir's vLog, she is talking about walking. Simple, yet wonderful. I'll be going for a nice walk this evening when I get back!
I still cant get my head around you driving so far to get groceries. It really hits home just how big America is and how small England is in comparison.
ReplyDeleteBoo to being lonely. :( I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteGood luck coming off your juice fest. Hey! Did you ever watch that movie "Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead"? You can get it on Netflix Instant. I watched it and was AMAZED at the guy doing the juicing. It made me want to buy a juicer. Someday!
Have a safe trip. :)
Distance relationships are hard... without communication it just seems like they're imaginary. May you not eat your feelings during the transition/coping time.
ReplyDeleteI'm excited for summer too... I need some farm fresh watermelon. :)
I agree with Tim, it's a long, long drive! Hopefully the items you pick up will be well worth it. :)
ReplyDeletesorry he's back in his own town, but you can make it work if you really want to. There's always a way. :)
I'm proud of you for standing your ground on gambling. I do hate that he's gone back home though. I dated my now husband for a year and a half when he lived 2 hours away. That was back when gas was as high as it is now and it was expensive, but on weekends we took turns driving to see the other person. If you want it to work, it will indeed work.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you have to drive so far...but the good quality groceries will be worth it ;)
Gah...that is a long drive for food! I used to go to Aldi which is about 40 miles away but now since I drive 66 miles round trip to work everyday I just shop locally.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I don't think you are being a total bitch by any means. Gambling is as serious as an addiction as a drug, and can easily destroy that person and their family. I've seen it happen and there is no recovery. Now, I certainly am not saying your boyfriend is like that at all right now, but it is very serious and you have every right to have reservations. Hopefully he allows you to express these fears, because YOU are number one in your life at all times girlfriend.
ReplyDeleteSecond, I believe if your relationship is strong you can make it work! I have faith in LDRs and think they can work if both people are mature, honest, patient and understanding.
Third, is there any social groups in your town you could join either through your church, or a community center? That might help a great deal!
Wow, driving 50 miles one way for organic, fresh veggies and fruit? Now that's dedication! Sorry about the gambling thing but don't blame you one bit! Stick to your guns girl!
ReplyDeleteYou could always both drive halfway each and meet in the middle for a romantic get-together! How romantic!!
ReplyDelete100 miles?? Damn girl, you are no joke! I'm sorry to hear that he's moved further away now - that really sucks. But it sounds like the 2 of you are pretty solid, which is always a good thing. About the gambling - you know what you're doing, so if you & he are happy, then I am happy for the 2 of you. :-)
ReplyDeleteI think its really good that your holding your ground with him on gambling. When my husband and I first met he smoked pot, it wasnt an everyday thing it was "Just for fun" and I told him straight up if he ever wanted a future together he had to give it up. I think a lot of women let those things slide and they end up with HUGE problems down the road. Again love your blog, love you, Have a great week!
ReplyDeleteawww bummers about james -- but i have all the faith that you guys will make it work!
ReplyDeleteHey girl. I'm sorry I haven't stopped by in a bit. I sure am glad I did tonight. You are doing so awesome. I am thinking this week will be a beginning week again for me, it's time to get all my ducks in a row. You are such an inspiration. Thank you for the call out the other day too. I sure do appreciate it, truly I do. I didn't get back to get that juicer yet, I'm hoping it'll be there when I do. Then I'll be asking you for some recipes.
ReplyDeleteTake care April and remember if it's meant to be you guys will work it out but don't tkae less then you're worth.
Blessings my friend!!
Hi! I'm a new reader...was sent over from Norma's post about what she reads. She's right, you are pretty friggin' fierce! I come from a long line of gambling addiction...so I just wanted to say I understand. Looking forward to reading your blog!
ReplyDeleteYou sound really firm in your stand. I commend you for that. It can't be easy. Have fun on your drive! Glad to hear the juice fast is going so good!
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