Being more Positive, Happy, Centered

I noticed in the last couple weeks that I have been a lot more positive about my life and my future.  I started thinking about that a lot this weekend.  I was looking at myself in the mirror after a shower and I was thinking about the weight loss and how far I've come.  I know I still have a lot of weight to lose, but I think my ability to actually follow through with it is directly related to maintaining my positive attitude and my faith. 

When I would look in the mirror last year and think I needed to start a 'diet' right now or better yet, 'tomorrow' - I would have some pretty ugly things to say to myself.  I would say, 'I need to lose weight because I'm disgusting'.  'I'm going to be alone forever, I'm so fat'.  'Nobody could ever love me looking like this'. 'Nobody wants to sit by me or talk to me at a party, I'm too gross'. 'I hate myself'. 

Yesterday, I was thinking.... I have come a long way, baby!  My sides are smaller.  I have less chins.  I have to keep losing weight so I can fit some cute jeans.  I want to go to London and Australia (my dream vacation spots), so I'll keep being healthy.  I can't wait to be able to run my first 5k!  I will not wear an extender on the airplane next time.  I want to go on some nature hikes this summer, so want to be more healthy and active. 

These self-thoughts are like night and day.  I am so much more positive about myself, about my future and my ability to be happy.  I am happy right now and for the first time in a long time, I don't see it as a momentary chapter of my life.  I plan to remain happy (normal ups and downs of life along the way), healthy and better.  Better than I've ever been.  More open to love than I've ever been.  More confident in my faith and hope than I've ever been.  I'm hopeful that I can achieve the goals I've set.  I'm confident in my ability to keep losing weight and maybe even inspire others along the way.

I have been talking with my James a lot about religion.  We decided that every Wednesday, we would each choose parts of the Bible to read and we do that together.  It is unlike anything I've ever done - especially with a boyfriend.  I love it!  I love our time spent reading different verses and seeing how they relate to our lives or to people around us.  We don't really discuss it with other people, but it has helped our relationship grow.  Not just because of the passages themselves, but because of the discussion it provokes between us.  They're not always 'friendly', but we are so respectful of each other and our differences.  I have been trying to explain to him my system of 'faith', my beliefs.  I knew I had wrote something about it in a blog post before, so I came here to find it and print it off.  I wrote about it last August, in this post.

Look at the beginning of that post, I didn't know what it was like to have a 'happy life' or what it would take to get there.  Six months later, and I'm here.  I've arrived at happiness, true happiness.  I'm still learning and growing  - every single day.  But, I know more about happiness now than I think I ever have.  I've worked on a lot of things that are impossible to put into words here to be shared with you.  There are things that I can't share that I've had to work through.  I did it though and I continue to un-do damages that were done to me for years. 

Every encounter with you was a reminder that I was born to survive
I may be damaged, but I'm not broken
You can't break me!
I refuse to live my life as your victim
I'm more than that and I'm on my way to big things.
Big dreams.
And......... I forgive you.

That's part of a writing I did........ sometime last fall or early Winter.  I write A LOT.  It's therapy for me. 

Be positive.  Find your center.  Set some goals.  Work towards them, because if I can do it - you can too.  If you have work to do that isn't just counting calories and getting off the couch - start there.  You might be able to do it on your own like I have, or it may take some work with a professional.  Some of us do carry around some deep issues, some hurt from the past, some pain, some trauma.  Everyone does, but some of us carry that under layers of fat.  The fat can't be your shield and it's only going to make you more miserable.

Seek Happiness.  Think positive thoughts.  Be open to love.  It's out there!  :)