Oct 1: 260.5
Oct 8: 259
Oct 18: 262.5
Oct 23: 262
Oct 30: 261
Nov 7: 257
Nov 14: 261
In almost 2 months, I've lost 3 pounds overall.... The 250s keep kicking me back out because apparently I'm not cool enough for them. I am back to my 50 pounds lost, exactly... which I had surpassed 5 weeks ago, but I just keep going back to that and never further for very long. I started at 311 in June. 261 today. Again.
My life started to suck on Sept 19, funny how that reflects almost exactly as to when I stopped doing well. I want to win. If I gain all my weight back or continue to be stuck here with these fluctuations, but no progress - the people who want me to fail win. Sadly, there are people who want me to fail. There always are. They are even present in this community. Awesome.
I am back at work after a hiatus last week. I have yet another court appearance on Wednesday for one of the restraining orders. I have never had interactions with police, court, etc. unless it was work related. (Child abuse investigation, etc. as a Social Worker) It's been constant for two months, and so has the harassment, stalking. The authorities believe their hands are tied. I believe they are lazy. The enemy believes he is powerful. The cycle repeats.
I went into the Doc last week to ask for happy pills. He told me I am not depressed and he thinks I am handling it well. He said that it is an outside situation and the way that I am processing it and working through everything is amazing. He said that I'm way more logical than someone could be if they were truly depressed. He prescribed me Paxil, the diagnosis is 'generalized anxiety disorder'. He said it should take some of the edge off. I told him how I can't sleep, so he prescribed me Seroquel. I've seen people take that and they get seriously out of it and can't function. I've seen a guy take it and his head just dropped like a brick and he was comatose. Um, that doesn't sound fun to me. I've had it for about a week now, but haven't taken any. I have taken the Paxil for two days, so no idea what it will do yet or if it will help.
Goals for this week:
- Go to the free clinic workout room 3x after work, for 1 hour each time
- Drink 90 ounces of water a day (Seriously, I quit drinking water a week ago....)
- Buy groceries today for the work week and plan my meals out, prepare and pack.
- Do my 30 minutes of allowed time for walking at work for at least 3 days this week (Haven't done that in 5 weeks........)
- Wear make-up for three days this week & do my hair (I seriously look like shit at work every day lately)
- Finish reading my current fiction book (been working on it for over a month, a book takes me a day or two usually)
- Finish reading the Spark. Order another book about the weight topic from Amazon so it is here by the time I finish this one
- Go tanning 2x this week
I am printing the list from my last post and also printing these mini goals for the week..... Thank you for continued support, I know it's not cool to read a blog of a constant failure - but I do hope that things are turning around again...... ;)
Be well. Be strong.
You have had a very difficult time lately and I am so proud you are not in the crazy house. Keep up the good work. Good job on planning your food. Drink that water. Keep exercising. Put on the makeup. All so you can hold your head up and put your best face forward and feel good about yourself.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry your going through so much lately, I hope things turn around for you soon!
ReplyDeleteGirl we all have times in our "get healthy journey" when weight loss has to take a back seat for a few days, weeks, whatever. But in all this chaos with the "crazies", working out, and eating healthy are the things you can control. (Plus...working out helps me sleep...so it may help you). I hope you won't take those meds unless absolutely necessary. Not only are you putting unneeded chemicals in your body, but in the end, they will cause more harm than good if you take them too long.
ReplyDeleteI hope things go well in court. But I still say, get a handgun permit, and buy yourself a nice shiney new gun for Christmas. ;)
Oh, please. We read this blog because you are a terrific HUMAN BEING. Unlike your harassers, who are diseased pieces of debris masquerading as human.
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing to me how useless our authorities can be in certain situations. I remember how, before better stalking intervention (though it may still suck), it was even easier to stalk and hurt folks than it is today. But still, because of civil liberties, due process, etc, it still seems like evil folks can get away wit way too much awfulness. It makes me angry that we haven't figured this out.
You are not me, and you have your own ethics/views/etc, but me, I'd have gotten a gun, learned how to use it, get a weapons (concealed) permit, and carry it at all times. I'd try to get a restraining order. Whatever. I'd make it very clear to authorities that I'd have to protect myself it they couldn't, document it as much as i could, do like that nerdy dude did with 500 bucks and set up a home security camera thingie to document as needed, whatever it took to catch them on video or recorder or phone recorder in the act of vandalism/harassment.
And if they came up to me, shoot their knees out.
I know, I know. Not your thing. But my teeth grit at the injustice of it.
May a meteor fall on their heads.
Hugs, baby
"I know it's not cool to read a blog of a constant failure"
ReplyDeleteYou say that but having read your blog post, I see someone who is determined to not let anyone beat you, someone who is determined to try anything possible to make sure you come out on top. You've accepted that things could have been better but you've also planned a way to improve too.
Yeah you've lost 3lbs in 2 months, it's not where you want to be now, but it also shows that you're not putting on huge amounts despite all the shit you're going through.
I guess in a weird way, you've maintained for a few months and that could actually prove to be important in the long run because your body is probably 100% used to your 50lb weight loss now rather than seeing itself continuously changing every week and not allowing the mind/body to sync up.
If you work hard at your goals for the week and then set more goals for the week after and so on then you will start to see the scale change again and you will definitely be waving goodbye to the 250s.
Just a heads up that Seroquel can cause MAAAAAJOR weight gain...I've seen people gain nearly 100lbs due to Seroquel...
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel, but you don't owe a certain number to anyone out there. It may not be where you want to be, but it's still a downward trend. And, in a figurative sense, you've got a lot on your plate right now.
ReplyDelete