A few reasons to lose weight

I am pretty close to giving up, so I am making a list of why I was losing weight.........

1. I went to a restaraunt last week with my Mom and Aunt.  We were being seated and the hostess started walking towards the booth and my Mom said, oh, I think we need to sit at a table.  I felt like crap.  She didn't mean it in a bad way and truth is, I do always ask for a table because I never know if I'll fit in a booth.  My Aunt said, I like booths better.  My Mom just started making a bee line for the table section, so we were seated there.  I hate that feeling.

2. I have a friend who is very overweight and is 43, she recently had knee surgery.  It still hurts, she has been told that it won't feel all that much better until she has it replaced.  I have knee issues, I don't want to have my knees or other body parts 'replaced' due to constant damage and wear from these extra pounds.

3. I'm inspired by seeing weight loss success stories, but sick of them at the same time.  I don't want to keep reading about them and looking at their progress pictures - I want to be them.  I want to be the success, for once. 

4. I want to sit on a bus or airplane comfortably.  I don't want to sit there hoping a tiny person or child sits by me, so that it isn't two fatties crammed into that row.  I want to travel, I want to go to London, Rome and Australia most of all..... but, I refuse to unless I lose some serious weight.

5. I want to be in more pictures.  I have my miracle baby niece or nephew on the way and I want to be in all the pictures with that precious angel.  I don't want to use the baby to hide some of my fat or keep taking pictures over and over until I don't look as fat... as if that really works anyhow. 

6. I want to lay in my queen size bed and feel like it's normal size.  My 18 year old sister was taking a nap in my bed and I thought... omg she looks like a Barbie doll in that giant bed.  Uh no, that's normal.  A queen bed is a nice sized bed, I just take up a lot more space than I rightfully should.  Someone is eventually going to be sleeping with me every night, right?  I can't take up the whole bed, I'd like to be comfortable to share it... in every way.  :)

7. I want to do a 5k, even if I just walk it. 

8. I would like for this journey to BE something.... something bigger than just the pounds lost.  I want to inspire people, educate them, motivate them...  I think I have done that in this blog community to an extent and some people in my life, but I feel like there's a purpose in it.  Something about it this time is different, I've been through hell and back in the last year and a half of my life (things I haven't written about here, yet).  I don't know if it's about the weight loss itself, or just gaining the confidence to go out and do what ever it is that I am meant to be doing..... Inspire.Intention.Purpose.Destination.

9. I want to shop in normal stores with my sister and girlfriends.  I hate being in the mall with them and helping them pick out stuff, then having to go to Lane Bryant and pick out my clothes.  I want to be able to share clothes with people.  One of my skinny friends came to my apartment one time after I had done some shopping.  She is seriously a really tall twig of a gal.  She picked up this shirt I had bought and said, "Omg, this dress is so cute!".  It's not a dress, jerk.  It's a shirt.  She held it up to her frame and it did look like a big, flowy dress.  On me, just a regular shirt...... Ugh.

10. I want to wear cute shoes and heels without fearing that my ankle, neck or skull will break.  I guess all the exercise will help me gain more balance and grace which will help too.  LOL

11. My Dad died when he was 43.  He weighed pretty darn close to 400 pounds.  I am almost 30.  I can't imagine only having 10 or so more years on this Earth.  I went to my Dad's funeral when I was 6 years old and I still remember it, all of it.  I won't let my family bury me when I'm that young.  My miracle baby niece or nephew shouldn't be left with that memory at a young age, I want to be alive, healthy, and strong to we can make a million memories together!  (I'm rather much undecided on having my own children, I fully intend to spoil my sister's though!)

12. My Mom is 60 and is much more healthy than I am.  She is strong and is a handyman, she works a man's job in construction.  This summer, she ended up working with her crew outside my office.  I would go out there to visit and I'd be tired and hot, sweating... I'd go back in my office.  That woman stood there all day helping and working.  I'm half her age and she can out-do, out-work and out-last me in every way.  It's awesome, but reason for change for me.  Big time.

13. I have gained so much confidence these past few months while losing weight, exercising and being healthy.  When I was on vacation a few weeks ago, I was going right up and talking to people, to guys, to whoever.  I wouldn't have done that a year ago.  If they talked to me, then great, we had a good time.  I never talked to them because I had major self-hate... I thought, I better not talk to them or they'll be embarassed the fat girl is talking to them or ignore me.  Chances are, they wouldn't... but that is where my mind was.  A very ugly place to be, indeed.  I do not feel that way anymore and plan to only get better and better. 

14. I had SO much energy when I was exercising regularly and my head was really in the game.  I want to go back to that.  For the last couple weeks, I go home and go to bed at 4:30pm.  I listen to music until about 7pm, eat a can of soup or nothing at all, then go back to my room to read and go to sleep.  I accomplish nothing.  I feel sluggish.  I hit the snooze about 6 times until the alarm doesn't let me do it anymore.  I want the energy level back.  I loved it.  I need it.  I deserve it. 

15. I read the best motivating post today.....  Cyn wrote this post.  I remember those feelings.  I remember how kickass 30 Day shred is, energy, feeling alive.  I want to go back to that place.  I am slowly crawling out of the dark world I've been in.... the chaos will probably still be there because Haters Will Hate, but I need to move on.  It doesn't mean it's going to happen this very second, but I can work on getting my mind right.