The last two evenings I have done two types of exercise - Jack and Shit. Ugghhhhhhhh. Weird because I have been totally feeling this momentum. Today marks 9 weeks out exactly from Las Vegas. Just a few more weeks for Slimmer this Summer, I should be trying to finish strong instead of being a slob-ola.
Yesterday was a day of celebration and in the midst of sitting on the couch, my Mother called saying it was time for a CELEBRATION DINNER due to my sis being pregnant after trying for 5 years. I did get off the couch to go to that, and yes - I had a t-bone, hash browns, salad, corn, dinner roll. I was so full I felt like I could explode. I woke up feeling miserable. I don't really like eating meat in the evenings, I feel this weird lump in my stomach for hours - very uncomfortable. I prefer scrambled eggs, a veggie burger, or something else. Gosh I was uncomfortable and felt so guilty. I didn't eat all of the meal served, but much more than I should have. I need to learn how to deal with 'celebrations', because obviously food is the guest of honor in my family - always has been, always will be.
I don't know what my deal was today - I just didn't seem to mind much. I texted a friend to see if she wanted to go for a walk and when she said she couldn't, it was game over for me too. I've been busting my butt, so I don't think the 2 day hiatus is all THAT bad, but the eating has been a problem. I can't give up healthy eating and activity - one or the other, but come on! LOL. Yes, today I had a cookie at Subway and then about 3 hours later had a hot fudge sundae...... Confessions of a crazy fat girl!
I'm not even really beating myself up about these past two days, just trying to figure out what put me in this place and why. I feel like crap, it's 920pm and I am so tired, usually I am reading now for about an hour. I won't be able to do that this evening. I feel .... heavier?, if that makes any sense. I met a guy at work today, some accountant or auditor finance contract guy (Ok technically I have no freakin' clue why this guy was walking around in my building, but he had a suit on so I figured it was financial, don't ask me why I come to the conclusions I do or we'll be here all night! I mean, look at that description of his position, it's nonsense at its finest....). ANYHOW, he came up and shook my hand and we talked and I remember thinking - 'omg I am so fat today, why couldn't he have come on Monday before I got fat?= I was avoiding eye contact and cut the convo short and went back into my office and closed the door. Who does that?! Remember my post a month ago about my swagger and confidence - I need a healthy dose of that right about now.
It's those old lazy fatass habits and issues sneaking up and they're getting the best of me - not anymore. Tomorrow, I'm going to put them in check. Right? There's always tomorrow...... F*n story of our lives huh?! ;) Goodnight all!!!!
PS - Super shout out to all the comments on my last post with prayers, good vibes and positive energy being sent. My sister deserves to be a Mommy more than anyone I know. I also want another beautiful niece or nephew to spoil. :) "Dear beautiful baby, I will not be your fat auntie when you're born. We'll take cool family pics by the river in the sand and I won't hide on the other side of the camera - I'll be in the picture with you, holding you because you are just one more of my many reasons to LIVE and I love you already!"
I Think I could give you a run for your money in both Jack and Shit lol CONGRATS TO YOUR SIS!!!
ReplyDeleteYAY congrats auntie (and of course your sis). Babies are wonderous
ReplyDeleteYour new niece and nephew won't care what size their auntie is. No matter where you are in your weight loss journey, I encourage you to be in the picture, not behind the camera.
ReplyDeleteI shudder whenever I see pictures of myself 100 pounds overweight. But I smile and have my picture taken.
Children grow so quickly; years from now I don't want to look at a photo album full of pictures of my children and husband that don't include me.
Congratulations auntie April!
April - I was a bit sad to read this post! Eating too much can make us feel rundown, and hanging out with Jack and Shit can for sure make us feel rundown. Your motivation and swagger will come and go, but know this - you are working on a healthier you and for that you should thank Pat (on the back) and keep going!! So much to be grateful for and so much more to look forward to as you keep going with your goals (all of them!!!!)
ReplyDeleteStaying MOtivated MO
Get up and enjoy the awesome weekend! Take a walk and shake it off! You will gain your swagger as soon as you start moving again!
ReplyDeleteThe thing about working out is, you have to make it such a habit that you feel strange not doing it. Once it becomes a regular thing like brushing your teeth, you will miss it when you don't. But you are allowed to slip once in a while. Don't beat yourself up.
ReplyDeleteive been hanging out with jack and shit this last week too haha. i have walked every night but havent done any other exercising like i normally do workout videos. i did one video the entire week. ugh so busy my sons birthday is coming soon and a million other things are going on in my life right now i feel like i just havent had the time. but lame excuses aside. im getting back on the ball next thursday when im finally home long enough to do anything about it. hopefully i dont glide too far off track as long as i keep my eating in check!
ReplyDeletei loved that letter you wrote to you neice/nephew! :)
Very exciting that you're going to be an aunt!
ReplyDeleteSounds like you've had a crappy couple of days, hope you're able to grab hold of the feeling you had a month ago and roll with it some more, I'm sure you'll be able to!