update 103011

Last week: 262
Today: 261

Water - actually fell behind on this for the first time in months and I can feel it.  Not cool.

Calories: under 1200 every day except Saturday.  Actually signed into MFP again this week!

Exercise: Mon-Thurs for an hour

Support: Always given to others and appreciated when received

Book: Really enjoying it.  Will post more from it this week.

*Short update.  Lots going on here...... positive energy and prayers appreciated.  Thanks.

Greek Yogurt Taste Test

I always hear mixed reviews on greek yogurt, so I decided to try a few different kinds.  Here's what I thought.

Oikos was... okay.  I wouldn't buy it again unless I couldn't find anything better.  There was nothing horrible about it, but nothing great.  I don't know if they have a 0% fat one or not, I was just grabbing at random one day in the grocery store.  It was really sweet, but not in a good way.  I do not recommend, unless there is nothing else on the face of the planet to purchase. 

140 calories, 22 g carb, 21 g sugars, 70 mg sodium, 14 g protein

Chobani was very good!  I loved the thickness, tartness and perfect amount of sweet.  I would definitely buy this again, but only on sale or with a coupon.  I went to a store and they only had Chobani vanilla... I must say that was not that good, I would probably only buy the fruit flavored ones.

DISGUSTING.  It was really cinnamoney and creamy, I am pretty sure it left a layer of butter fat tasting stuff in my mouth.  I didn't eat the whole thing because I couldn't figure out what was going on with it.  I hadn't read the whole label, so when I started eating it, I thought this isn't really vanilla - it's more like brown sugar... well I guess it was "Vanilla, Cinnamon Orange flavored".  What?!  It was still a buck, and when you can get the good stuff for about 25 cents more, stay away from this.  IN MY OPINION.  I regret giving the underdog a chance in this case.  Bummer.

130 cals, 19 g carbs, 16 g sugar, 50 mg sodium, 13 g protein

FAGE!  Fa-Yeh, however you say it.  This was DELICIOUS.  Very thick, just tart enough where the topping on it was amazing and almost guilty.  This is the greek yogurt they are talking about when they say to substitute it as sour cream.  Very good.  I have also seen people buy plain Fage in larger containers, portion it out then top it with some sugar free preserves.  I like variety, so I would pay extra per serving to just have all different kinds.  Plus, look at the container.  It's cute how it has two compartments.  I did not regret this purchase. :)  Not one bit.

160 cals, 25 g carbs, 20 g sugars, 100 mg sodium, 14 g protein

I bought a little four pack of these after reading other blogs and seeing how greek yogurt was taking over the world.  I hated this crap.  It tastes like sour baby diapers to me.  Not that I sit around eating sour baby diapers, but if I did - I imagine it would taste much like this.  I actually tried this FIRST, ever, for all greek yogurts and never bought another one for months.  I threw 3 cups away.  Ugh.  Sour.  Runny layer surrounding it.  Fruit is even sour.  Too thick, in a cement-like, scary way. 

 IN MY OPINION ONLY.

And the winner is!!!!!!!!

FAGE!!  Oh Fage, how I adore thee!  Yes, this has become a regular part of my life and I love it.  I live in no man's land, so I have to drive 45 minutes away to find a grocery store that actually has good variety.  My local store doesn't even carry Fage, period.  When I go, I buy about 15 cups of it; whether it's on sale or not.  When I get home, I line them up in my fridge with the nearest expiration date first.  Makes for easy selection and packing my lunch/snacks for the day.  I like to add walnuts to it.  I like to use it as sour cream.  I just love it.  I highly recommend this!  I would def try it plain with fresh fruit vs. using the little compartment of sauce that it comes with; but haven't got around to it... yet. 

 I highly recommend this.

This little 'taste test' started as an idea back in late August.  It was a fun little project to do and I hope readers can benefit from it, or share opinions.  Do I have to put that 'disclaimer' nonsense - I'm not paid or asked or bribed or yodda, yodda, yodda.  Opinion only, but.... I am one smart cookie.  :)

I got a card at work today and I laughed so hard I cried....

I found this card and note under my door this morning.  Pretty sure I know which co-worker it's from.  She's a peach! 

Things I love about you…


I love how you had a cashew in your cleavage all day and had NO idea.

I love how when your boss asked you why you were late three times this week, you said “Because I’ve been dancing with the devil!  Meeee-oowww!”, did a little jig and boogie…. Then left her office.

I love how the standing rule of staff meetings is that cake can NOT be served until after the business is done or else April won’t pay attention.  I dearly miss having cake with my tea at the staff meeting; thanks a lot for ruining that for all of us.

I love how we are in a BRAND new building with PERFECT carpet… except the trail of coffee from the copy room to your office down the hallway.  I love how EVERY time you go for a coffee refill, you curse all the way down the hall (at the other end to your office) and say, ‘I’m spilling coffee everywhere! Shit! I always make it too full! Why me? This sucks balls!’.

I love it when your bouncy curls are sexy and as big as the state of Texas, you have your black heeled boots, bling on the shirt, Liberace jewelry on and your make up is all pro-looking….  Are you going to a club or a rock concert?  None of the above, you’re at work.  Hooker.

I love how when it was time for all directors to help with inventory, via MANDATORY memo… you replied ‘Uh, no I’m not gonna do that’.  Boss – ‘And why not?’ April – ‘That’s not really what I do’.  And you got away with it?!?!

I love how the copy machine works fine for everyone who uses it, except you.  When you go in the copy room, I wait patiently for the cursing, slamming of drawers and punching of buttons to begin.  ‘I hate this thing.  The copy machine is broke! Hey, someone – HELP ME! This thing is fucking possessed!’.  Remember when you first started, people would run to your aid?  We all just ignore you now, operator error!!

I love how you go from all these expletives to upstanding professional in the drop of a hat.  You’re ridiculously smart, do you realize that?  Your vocabumalary is at least fifty times better than most people.  How many books do you read a week?  Yet, you find a way to work the word ‘balls’ into almost every sentence.   Solid Genius.  I also love how you read a book at work, all the time… and brag about it.  ‘I finished 7 chapters today!’.  Really?  Everyone else DID THEIR JOBS.

I love how you have a picture on your desk of a rat with the saying, “Despite all my rage, I’m still just a rat in a cage”.  Great song.  Great pic.

I love your taste in music and how on any given day Black Sabbath, Tupac, or Sade might be completely blaring down the hallway from your insane little corner of the world. Thank God you introduced me to CocoRosie.

I love walking in your office and finding you playing air drums to the beat of the music with two highlighters.

I love it when you laugh like a hyena for hours and I can hear it at my desk.  You’re usually chatting, playing a game or of course…. Reading damnyouautocorrect.com… PS – You have the cutest little giggle (before the hyena fits kick in, that is)

I love how when someone walks in your office to ask you a question or to do something – you say, ‘Name that tune first or no dice!!!!’.  I love how that little game led to refusing Finance a copy of your budget because the poor lady didn’t know any of the songs on your heavy metal playlist.

Gosh, I think that’s it.  Mostly, I love that you’re a loyal friend and you don’t gossip.  When people are gossiping you say, ‘Oh, I don’t know anything about it, I wasn’t there’ and you leave.  I can trust you.  You’re crazy as hell.  You might just be too damn smart for your own good.  You have been here only a few months, yet you have the best program and a level of respect from staff and community members that some haven’t earned in 20 years of working for this place.

PS – I think this list could be titled ‘Reasons why you should be fired!!!’…… How exactly do you get away with all this shit?  Teach me the ways.  Also, we need to find a hottie who loves all of this about you and more…..

I'm such an eavesdropper....

I stopped in another office to do some business, then headed down their hallway to drop off some paperwork to another person.  As I was coming back through the hallway towards the first office I was in, I heard this.....

Guy #1: Who WAS that?
Guy #2: Her name is April
Guy #1: Did you notice how beautiful she was?  I can't even describe what I mean or what I saw when she was standing here.  She just looked so beautiful. 
Guy #2: Yeah, they usually don't come that classy either.
Guy #1: Damn!  Seeing her was some kind of torture, girls that pretty shouldn't be coming in here.
Guy #2: 'Chuckles', I'll try to do our business with her at her office in the future, so you aren't suffering.

I could feel myself blushing.  I made a quiet exit from their office...... All smiles and very happy.  I'll take it! :)

I'm back to normal, need veggie recipe ideas & I had a strength test yesterday...

Cravings have slowly dissolved into nearly nothing, finally.  Five days on vacation included 4am cheese pizza, 5am biscuits and gravy, 3am chili cheese fritos and of course - the supper at Cheesecake Factory with bread and pumpkin pecan cheesecake.  Also, lots of sugary drinks and alcohol.<<< I am not bragging, these were some seriously outrageous decisisions and I got no satisfaction out of any of it - only torture, upset stomach, weight gain, bloat, and a week long detox... Ugh.  It's not worth it, people.  It's not worth the cravings, guilt and fight to get out of the trap that all the carbs and fat surround you with.  Next time - focus.  Strength.  Accountability.  I know it sounds like I was a train wreck on my trip, but I did make a lot of good decisions when I was.... sober.  I'm glad the cravings have passed.

How did I get them to pass?  Eating cabbage soup for 3 days (I actually enjoy the stuff, it's not like it was punishment), drinking 100+ ounces of water a day, sipping on lots of hot herbal tea in the evenings, staying busy around the house (I washed walls, laundry, winter blankets and clothes, scrubbed the floor boards and kitchen/bathroom on my hands and knees....).  I also had NO groceries or food when I came back and left it that way, other than the soup, yogurt and some carrots.

I am back on track with exercise and eating.  I have been bringing my lunch.  I don't know how I lived my life for 29 years without this recipe.  Right now, I am just eating it with coleslaw mix (bagged), lots of globe grapes (on sale), slivered almonds and the yogurt dressing.  It's amazing.

I'm getting a little sick of salads.  I mean, I'm MORE sick of being ridiculously fat, but I am getting bored.  Not that eating healthy means salads all the time; but I do eat them a lot for supper and occasionally for lunch.  Any good ideas to mix that up or other recipes for meals that are mostly veggies?  I eat plenty of fruit, maybe too much - but I need to get MORE veggies as a staple in forms other than salads.  It's getting cold here - I desire to have something that seems a little more hearty, warm and filling.

Oh yeah, the clinic's free workout room was awesome!  The staff guy is really nice, we did a 'strength' assessment.  Turns out my glutes (butt muscles) are lazy.  Haha, no wonder why I have no ass.  He had me do some stretches and awkward poses, he said the muscles in my thigh and even lower back 'automatically do the work' because my ass muscles are 'untrained'.  This should make for an interesting workout regimen, huh?  My shoulders also need some work.  He said he is surprised at how good my posture was for being an office worker, I think he meant to say 'fattie'; but he said, office worker.  I also have very good balance, according to Mr. Fitness.  He is full of knowledge and was very supportive.  I am SO happy I found this resource.  :)   

Free place to workout!

Remember how I'm new-ish to this town?  I don't know a whole lot about what is available, but today I found out something fabulous!  I had a doc appt., just to refill meds, check a few things, etc..  My blood pressure is really good, for once.  He was impressed again by the weight loss and told me how it's only going to get more challenging now, but by this time next year he thinks I will be down another 80 pounds.  He was super nice, not to mention confident in me!!  He said he wished that as my Dr., he was more of a part of my weight loss, but he hasn't done much for me other than pats on the back and he felt bad about that for some reason.  I told him that coming in to see him every 60-90 days has been great for accountability and support, so no worries.  So then he asked me if I knew about the free clinic's workout room.  No, doc, I sure don't, but I think I do want to hear about it.

We walk down the hall to the workout area.  Wow!  They have really nice, new equipment.  In one room there are all of the machines to target specific areas.  The big scary machine they have at Curves that you do squats with it, while it rests on your shoulders - ouch.  They have a lot of free movement machines, it looks great.  They also have weights.  Wonderful.  In the next room they have a (limited) set of cardio machines - 2 ellipticals, 2 bikes with arm thingies on them, 2 treadmills.... wonderful I tell ya.  They are open from 7am to 6pm.  I get off work at 4:30pm, so the plan is to go home and change quick, then head to the free workout place! 

He said some days there are about 4-6 people in there right after work, sometimes there are 0.  It's hit and miss.  To no surprise, he said that in January he gets a huge influx of people with New Year's resolutions and such, then by March 1 it dwindles down.  The free clinic got the equipment through a grant, it is attached to the 'Healthy Heart' and 'Diabetes Prevention' programs.  I had to sign a few things in order to use it, but he said I am set.  I plan to go there this evening!!  I am so excited about it.

Challenge Update

Weight 10-18-11: 262.5
Today: 262

Yeah, I don't know.... Dude, the scale was a madhouse this week.  It was 262.5 when I first got back from vacation, then down one, then up two, then down one, then up FOUR.  Today it is down half pound after 3 days of cabbage soup?  What the fizzle?  That's what I get for my decisions in Las Vegas.... eeks.

I did check the scale by putting dumb bells on it, two 8 pounds, two 10 pounds... they always registered right on.  Maybe the damage on vacation was worse than 3.5 when it was all said and done and it all caught up with me mid-week.  Never again.  Never effin ever again. 

I do plan on posting some vaca pics, I have them all uploaded to my other computer though.  Will share this week sometime.

Getting back on the workout train was a slow process, but I've been pretty solid about it for 4 days, today will be my 5th.  It was Shred Level 1 and walking for the most part.  Somehow, harder workouts and strength training has gone out the window.  It's SO cold here, I hate it!

I have been having late night snack cravings.  I always make a cup of hot tea, come to my room to read a book for a while, then go to sleep.  While I'm reading lately, I start thinking about FOOD.  Twice I have gone into the kitchen, where I'm sadly reminded that I have no food other than yogurt and cabbage soup.  I ate a cup of yogurt two nights.  Why?  Stupid.  I didn't NEED it, I just wanted food all of a sudden at 11pm.  So, last night when I got cravings I made another cup of hot tea and drank a glass of water.  I did wake up with and have to rush to the bathroom because my bladder was going to explode - but that's better than wasting 100 calories on yogurt AND wasting the yogurt itself when it could be used as a snack at a much more appropriate time of the day.

Read 2-3 chapters of The Spark book for the challenge, I am really enjoying it.  It's not a book that should be spread out over a month or so, I do plan to finish it maybe this week or early next.  Def within the next 8 days or so.  I think it worked out that I delayed starting it, because it has been helpful to get me back on track after I let my decisions on my trip wreak havoc on my overall plan and mindset.

Also, stalker.  Your views went from 25 a day to about 17 - but you're still looking at my page a little excessively, don't ya think?!  Get a life, fuck hole.

Cabbage Soup = Success

I made the cabbage soup and it's working like a charm, I love cabbage soup actually.  It has cabbage, carrots, onion, stewed tomatoes, cayenne pepper and chicken broth.  I also bought a few cans of red kidney beans.  I rinsed the beans and put them in a big container with water, set them in the fridge.  I take a cup of soup to heat and add 1/4 c. of the beans for protein.  I often keep a big stash of beans ready to throw on salads or even in omelettes.  I checked today and I am still 2.5 pounds up since my Vegas vacation.  Bummer.  Live and learn?!  Hopefully. 

The cravings are still there, but not as crazy as they were.  I've been on cabbage soup for about 36 hours, I planned it for 72.  Then back into normal day's worth of food - eggs, Fage, soup, salads.... normal, healthy, tasteful foods.  Not that my cabbage soup isn't tasty, it is just on repeat a little too much.

I finally got back on the exercise train last night too.  I was TOO tired.  I'd been coming in to work at 10am vs. 8am on Tues & Weds.  I slept 12 hours every night, finally last night just 10 hours.  I didn't sleep much for 5 days while on vacation.  I was one wild party girl, now I'm paying for it.  Last night I walked 2 miles and did 30 day Shred Level 1.  Tonight is last chance workout, more walking and house cleaning.  Move, move, move.  Shake it, shake it, shake it.  ;)

Oh yeah, non-supportive friend of the day.... Last night a friend called and said she wanted to go out for dinner, T-bone steak dinner was a good price at a local steak house.  I said, no I came back with hell to pay from my trip and I'm eating cabbage soup, get something to eat and come over.  She said, 'Well, why?  Your vacation is over, so why do you care if you lose any more weight?  You can quit dieting now that you already lived it up on vaca'.  Ummm let me think, so I don't die when I'm 40?  Jerk.

Help!!

Yes, this is my third blog post today.  I was gone for almost a week, you don't expect me to be quiet, do you?!

Actually, I'm really struggling today and was yesterday.  I hadn't eaten certain foods for a while and if I did - it was like 1 time a month, felt guilty, worked out.... moved on.  I don't see THAT much of a problem with it, it fits well in my 'Progress, not perfection' mindset and it's worked for me 50 pounds so far.....  However, while in Vegas for 5 days, I ate something off plan EVERY DAY.  Now, I am craving crap.  I was sitting here at work and spaced out while thinking, I should go to my sister's and have her make me a peanut butter jelly sandwich on old school white Wonder bread.  What the hell?!  I also thought, man some of those fried potato wedges drowned in ketchup sounds amazing right now.  EEEEEHHHHH, wrong answer!  And finally, I can't wait to go get a breakfast pizza and some cheesy hashbrowns for breakfast tomorrow!!!  HECK NO. 

I get cravings, don't get me wrong.  We all do.  The vast majority of the time, I can ignore them.  This is crazy though, I need it like a crack head needs rock.  I seriously feel like a carb and grease fiend.  These are all really wicked and poisonous trigger foods.  My weekend was like a circus of gateway drugs back into obesity (Oh wait, I'm still in obesity...). 

Yesterday, I didn't eat much because I was so tired.  I went to my nephew's birthday party and ate the food, but skipped the cake (grilled burger, macaroni salad).  Today, I was ravenous for sugar and grease ALL day.  Breakfast I had a Special K protein shake and some coffee.  Lunch I had fried chicken and a white dinner roll.  For a snack, I was about to go get some Cheetos for real and decided to eat a banana, drink almost a liter of water and write this blog post.   This sucks.

I think after work I'll go buy some veggies and make a big pot of cabbage soup.  I do love it, it's very colorful and hearty even with no meat.  I think I need it as a detox tool.  I'll have that most of the time and maybe scrambled eggs for breakfast.  I'm really struggling.  I am now coming out of my Sin City fog and realizing that what happened in Vegas didn't all stay in Vegas  - it came back attached to my ass and it's not welcome.  It's such a mind fuck too, I just keep thinking about food.  I was going to get a cup of coffee this morning and I thought - mmm I should make a cup of hot chocolate instead, it's sweeter and I can put marshmallows in it!  I was so excited about this idea, then I stopped for a second to think about what plan I was about to execute.  No good.  Idiot!  I had coffee, black.

Ha, as I was finishing this post the secretary came in and handed me a gift certificate for a 'free buffet' in honor of Boss' Day since I'm the Program Director.  Shoot me.

Some observations from vacation

I want to start referring to 'vacation' as 'holiday', like the Europeans, but then nobody here would know what I'm talking about.  Holiday sounds cooler.

These are some random things from vacation:

1. I totally JUST about had the lap belt on in the plane, it took a little work; BUT the male airplane staff said, 'hey sweetie, do you need this?' and handed me the extender.  I was one of the first on the plane, he whispered it to avoid embarassing me.... I took it and just used it. I seriously had to pull it ALL the way tight, it made the lap belt way too freakin big for me.  I just panicked when he came over there I guess.  I kinda wanted to cry, but then again I would have had the normal lap belt clicked in like eight seconds had Mr. Jolly not come over there.  He was a gem.  Even 50 pounds down, I did still use it, but I don't think it was NECESSARY.  A LOT of my weight is carried in my bottom belly roll, right where the darn lap belt goes.  Ugh.  Not cool, but then again I wasn't too upset about the situation.  Had he shouted it in front of a bunch of other passengers, there would have been hell to pay - but he was just being a little sweetie about it.  Never again though, and it's pretty cool to see how far I've come.  In April, I flew to Phoenix for my birthday and I HAD to use it.  The belt was nowhere near being able to buckle. 

2. I saw these two very large women who appeared to be sisters or something.  I went and ordered a coffee black and was waiting near the line for my friend.  The two women, one of which was using a cane (mobility was definitely an issue for her) and seemed to be out of breath, ordered 'black and white lattes' (mocha and vanilla latte combo) and 2 desserts each from the Mrs. Fields coffee bar.  I remember thinking, 'No!!!  What the FUCK are you doing?!".  I felt sad for them.  Now, granted, I gained 3.5 pounds over my vacation and probably have no room to talk....  I remember being in the place where I didn't care to change, where I had no shame in eating ridiculous foods, constantly.  :(  Boo....

3.  Big girls need not dress scantily clad, EVER.  I don't care if you're in Vegas.  Sure, I'm all about - if you got it, flaunt it.  Wear clothes that highlight your 'assets', whatever they may be.  But if you are 260 pounds, don't wear a tiny camisole and way too tight jeans.  It's not cute.  It's a little gross.  Invest in some jeans that are your size, some Spanx and cute tops with a little bling on them or something.  Puke.

4. I was a lot more outgoing and talkative with strangers than I would have been even 6 months ago.  I was a little self conscious, sure, but I wasn't insecure and introverted.  I made some friends, danced, partied like a rockstar, struck up conversations on the plane.... it was a blast.  I felt more comfortable in my own skin and that was a beautiful thing.  I smiled at strangers, raised my glass with foreigners from all over the globe and just had a great time.  I remember my birthday trip in April, we went out one night and I sat at the table most of the time.  I just wasn't happy at all.  I didn't start conversations or even hold eye contact with people.  I think I was ashamed of who I was, that is so depressing.  Not that I'm completely happy with where I am now, but I'm damn proud of the progress I've made so far.

5.  People are nicer than I ever thought they were.  I think that is all part of my attitude towards the trip and how I felt about me.  I was very happy about that, the whole experience was just rad and I can't wait to go back.

6. Late night foods, as in 4-6am, are not healthy and my mind wasn't functioning at the time to make healthy decisions.  When I was sober (3-8pm); I made pretty darn good choices.  (Minus the pumpkin pecan cheesecake, but I did split it with a friend and I was at the Cheesecake Factory so it was necessary)  You can't come off a night of drinking and order a salad - the late night menus are out at that point and I don't even think salad is an option.  That sucks.  But after the carbs, sugars and alcohol of Vegas drinks - does it really matter?  Probably.  I want to develop a better plan for my next trip.

*Yesterday I wasn't THAT upset about my gain, but today the reality sunk in a little more and I can't believe I gained that much.  I got in the scale this morning and it's only 2.5 pounds up vs. 3.5 so that's a good thing, but really?  That is almost a pound a day, yikes.  It does show how easy it is to gain it back, when it's a bear to lose a pound.  Ugh. 

7. Escalators are the devil when you're drunk.  Don't do it.

8. When in Vegas, text yourself your room number and what hotel you're staying in, just in case you forget later.

9. Buy gallons of water at Walgreens or something and take them to your room. Buying a couple liters every day gets pricey. 

10.  Vegas fucking rocks and I'm going again in April!! I will NOT use an extender and I'll have even more swagger than I did this time.  Look out, Sin City, skinnier April is coming back to rock it for my 30th birthday!!  Hey, how cool that will be the end of my 30 before 30 blog list too?!  Double celebration.  Maybe you all need to come with me.  :)

11. I almost forgot! If your room has an adjoining door, make sure that shit is locked!  Ugh, not cool....

I'm back.... Vegas was a little TOO MUCH fun

I got home at around 11pm last night.  Ugh cold ass Midwest, compared to the 90 degree weather of Vegas the last 5 days.  Vacation was very necessary, very fun and well.... it was complete debauchery.  Total debauchery.  Living excessively in the fast lane of Sin City for 5 days was... AMAZING.  I would do it all over again in a heart beat, maybe even bigger and better than what was already done.  Insane fun.  I'm a little tired, so more details and pics to come later.

Weigh In:  Bwahaha!
Oct 8: 259
Oct 18: 262.5

3.5 pound gain.  Hmmmm.  Not cool, but eh.  Could be worse.  I'm not beating myself up, but I'm not proud of it either.  It happened.  Life, amazing nights and a million kickass memories were gained in addition to that 3.5 pounds so guess what - onward.  That's it.

Lots of booze.  I mean, lots of booze. I was there when Margaritaville Casino made the 'world's largest margarita'; Guiness Book of World Records was there.  Epic.

Food: I ate, but only one or two times a day, because sleep was necessary at some point.  Eating was a mixed bag.  Some salads, some baked chicken, some pizza, some chicken chili, some pumpkin pecan cheesecake (Heaven.), some fajitas (skipped tortillas and rice).  No buffets.

Walking - shit, dude.  You walk a million miles while in Las Vegas.  It was awesome. 

*Pretty sure I'm planning a trip to Vegas for my 30th birthday.  The dates look to be April 19-23.

Tomorrow = Vacation

Just a quick check in.  I have been SO busy this week, including 2 over nights out of town for family and work.  Tomorrow I will be driving my happy ass to the airport to head off to the fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada until next Monday 10-17-11. 

I ended up fasting yesterday: I had 1 cup of coffee (ok, its 24 ounces) as I settled into my desk at work at 8am.  At 10am, we had a director's meeting.  25 programs explaining to our new board what our program is, where we are on our budget, goals, etc..  I finally got to talk about mine at 2:30pm.  They didn't break for lunch.  Some people got up and ate and came back, other people complained and there was lots of stomachs growling.  At around 3:30pm, I was starving- then I spaced out, as I was not the least bit interested in hearing about the other programs (I'm a jerk like that).

 I started thinking, you know, there are plenty of people in this country who 'planned' to eat today - then life happened.  There's a single mother somewhere who had $3.52 to her name and bought some bologna and bread for her kids, but couldn't afford or take from their little mouths.  There is a homeless man who got turned away from the shelter because it was crowded; gone with the bed to sleep in is the only chance for a hot meal he had that day.  They don't get to eat, so why should I?  Who the hell am I to be sitting here in a 'Director's Meeting'; could I be any more pretentious?  I decided at that moment to gain some humility for the day, some balance.  I decided I wouldn't eat.  I did have the cup of coffee in the morning and about 100 ounces of water.  I worked out last night, but it wasn't too strenuous.  I did laundry and packed.  Hunger was still there, but I felt it slowly being replaced by a humble calm and genuine appreciation for all I have in this world.

*I get to pack a bag because I can afford a vacation.
*I sat in a Director's Meeting all day because I had the luxury of an advanced education.
*I got to do laundry because I live in a home with electricity and running water.
*I slept in a warm bed, protected from the cold, rain and wind because I'm one lucky mother fucker. 

Count your blessings.  Not everyone has the 'things' in life that we take for granted or think we couldn't live without.

****I won't be updating this weekend for the Christmas Dress Challenge.  I get in late on Monday (around 10pm); so I will post on Tuesday.  Everyone have a good weekend.  Stick to your goals.  I've been doing great with my goals.  Last night as I was packing, I came across a pair of capris that I remember trying on around Labor Day and they were just a little too snug and muffin toppy - I put them on and they fit like a dream.  I packed them for Vegas, it will be a nice 90 degrees there!  You can count on a few picture posts next week!!!  And remember - You're.Worth.It.****

I WISH I could do this!

Maybe one day, huh?  I LOVE to dance to Rihanna, the song Hard is one of my faves.

I would also love to do this, it looks fun!  It's got to be a killer workout.  I would fall and break my neck, but maybe one day I can rock this out!!!  Soooo cool!

I spent some time finding new blogs last night and this fabulous dancer has one..... Her name is Sarah and she's over at All Pain - No Gain.

Moral of the story: Have fun with your workouts.  Make them your own.  Think outside the box.  Don't get stuck in routine, switch it up!!! :) 



*I'm still sick and didn't exercise today.  Yesterday I didn't 'work out' hard, I just walked 2.5 miles - that's not biggie even when you're sick.  Thanks for all the supportive comments.  Strep throat = not cool.

Not cool.

Remember cute boy temporary roomie?  We were talking the other day and somehow the conversation turned to what we were looking for in romantic relationships.  I had a few things on the list:
1. (absolute number one) Honesty.  Period.
2. Educated, preferred.  Gainfully employed, required
3. No long or scary criminal history (I'm a sucker for felons, no really - I am.  It's my desire to study criminal psychology, I need to learn to do it out of my own house...)
4. can commit and support a healthy and active lifestyle
5. Travel.  Wants to travel, knows how to travel... including - knows how to and is willing to TIP waiters, bartenders, etc..  That is my pet peeve, I hate cheap skates.  Ugh.
6. Cool with chillin' for a while before a 'relationship' happens. 
7. If they have kids, they have to be a good parent.  Period.  I don't necessarily have a preference against children.  I am almost 30.... I'm a rare find.... educated, make decent money, never married, no outrageous debt, no kids.  OH wait, I'm single because I'm fat... yeah well, that's all changing.
8. Not clingy.  Has his own friends, his own THINGS that he goes off and does on his own or with his friends... whatever those THINGS are.  Hunting, kayaking, painting, surfing, I don't care - just don't be co-dependent because it annoys me. 

So anyhow, those were some of the things we were discussing.  (If you know anyone who meets the criteria, holler at me...).  So he says, are you serious?  You want 'healthy and active' to be part of the criteria?  I say, well yes of course I do.  I said, take our walks as an example Matt.  I go for two walks every day, I enjoy it when you come with me for one, and if you were MY MAN, I would really enjoy it if you came.  He said, 'oh no, I totally get that you want him (whoever he may be) to have a healthy lifestyle so you don't get fat again... but I don't think people will take you seriously if you tell them that's something you are truly looking for'.  I said, well it's not like you go out broadcasting what you want all the time - but I would be honest and say I was looking for this because it is true.  He said, well maybe after you lose more weight and then stay down to like 120 pounds, THEN you can say that you want someone who lives a healthy and active lifestyle. 

What?!!?!  I was devastated.  Nobody will take me seriously if I say that I want someone who has a healthy and active lifestyle?  I'll be laughed right out the door, if it should ever open in the first place?!  Also, my goal is not 120 pounds and it never will be.  Why is he so stupid?!?! 

So then I told my sister about it and that it offended me.... she wasn't much help either.  She said, well he's right, you can't go out there weighing more than a deuce saying you want to run marathons.  What the holy hell people?  That is NOT what I said!  I don't want someone with my old mindset, my old eating patterns and my old habitually sedentary lifestyle - that is not living! 

I'm bummed about this whole conversation, well... both of them.  Should I be offended and should I bother telling them?  They don't *get it and they won't *get it because they haven't walked a mile or four (which is how much I walked today) in my shoes.  They don't mean to say stuff that is hurtful.  I know they don't.  I feel defeated.  I feel like.... 'See fattie, you're never going to be good enough and you'll never get what you want because you don't deserve it and everybody knows that'. 

Been listening to this song while thinking about these convos and my thoughts on it...... Music=Life.

bloggers....

It's no joke that weight loss bloggers come and go like the seasons, huh?  I was looking through my followers.  Somehow I got to 132 followers, that is very cool!  I thought I'd have maybe 10 at the most?  When I went through my Followers list to the very beginning, I clicked on them and their blogs and was like 'oh yeah, I remember them'... they haven't posted since June.  Crazy.  July.  August 10.  Maybe they figured out blogging wasn't for them or maybe they learned that they weren't ready to be accountable and really lose the weight.  For those of you who are who have been here since the Slimmer this Summer Challenge and beyond  - I commend you.  Stick with it.  If not with the blogging for support, accountability, discussion - at least stick with the commitment to your health.  I read a couple blogs (I mean 2 out of 30 that I just went and checked up on) that posted about a month or so later and said they're still on track and doing well.  I hope they all are, but... unfortunately, we've all been down that road before.  Bummer. 

When I first started blogging, I would find blogs where the author had already lost 100 pounds or so and I'd be like... ehh, I don't really want to follow them because it won't be helpful unless I read through ALL their posts and I don't have time to do that.  That is the most idiotic line of thinking, really!  Of course I want to read and spend time on the blogs that have lost a lot of weight, they already know how it's done.  I wanted to be stirring the pity pot on 'bad days' with others were clueless and just starting out.  The blind leading my blind was my strategy!!!  LOL, thank goodness I found my first challenge - Slimmer this Summer... I rocked the hell out of it, I might add.  ;)   My favorite bloggers are already skinny minis and I won't be there for at least a year and a half more (ok, probably never 'skinny'; but that's not really my goal).  Reading those blogs makes me think, 'I can do this'.  I really like blogs that post picture updates.  Have you guys seen Poison's blog?  Ummm she's fabulous and her progress pics are just mind-blowing and ballsy!  She's pretty rad, really.

Anyhow, those are just some random thoughts I had on this whole community.  Overall, I enjoy it.  I have a job that allows me to update at work and keep up with the new posts.  I am a serial commenter, I like commenting on blogs and it's such a wonderful support system.  I also enjoy getting comments... they're usually quite helpful.  To my faithful readers, lurkers and ones that stop by to catch up just ever so often - thank you!   

Challenge update 10/1/11

Last week: 264
Today: 260.5

Not bad!  :)  I'm going to be in the 250's soon.... I can't even believe that.  I know for some people, that would be a repulsive number to be at - but for this girl who has been in the 3##'s for as long as I can remember, this is incredible. 

Also, this makes 50 pounds down!!!!  In June I was 311........... YES!!!! 

I just finished 10 days of fruits-veggies-nuts-tea.  I feel like a million bucks!  I am so happy.  I feel lighter, I feel stronger, I just feel great.  Um..... I totally had a 110 calorie mini ice cream sandwich for breakfast, but I've been craving ice cream like a mad man.  It was worth it!  It was my first bite of something not from Unci Maka (Oon-chee Ma-ka, means Grandmother Earth in my Native tribal langauge- someone asked about it last post). 

This week:
Water - I didn't drink much water on Thursday.  I don't know what my deal was, I probably had 40 ounces?  I went out dancing Thursday night and Friday morning I woke up with the worst leg cramps!  I know it wasn't due to potassium, because I've had plenty with my challenge diet.... it was water!  I was mad at myself. 
*Sidenote, going out dancing and not consuming alcohol was WEIRD.  I was in day 9 of my challenge and it was so tempting and so painful to say 'no, I don't want a beer or ten'.  I usually have to be buzzed before I tear up the dance floor, not this time - I went out and had a blast.   A good thing to learn about myself I guess, we'll see how I use that knowledge / experience.  Two different friends asked me if I wasn't drinking because I was pregnant.... HAHAHA.  Immaculate conception much?! 

Food - Low calories, great eats.  I feel like a champ for finishing that 10 day challenge.  It definitely made me think about what I eat, the processed crap, the unhealthy decisions I've been making for years.  I am so satisfied that I did this challenge.  I think I learned a lot about myself.  I encourage you to do it! 

Exercise - 30 day shred, now in Level 2.  Need to start Level 3.  This is a fun 30 day challenge as well, who is still doing it?  I didn't exercise at all on Wednesday.  I just needed a break, so I went tanning then sat around and did not a whole lot.  Basic house stuff really.  Ah well.  Everyone needs a day of rest.  Thursday I skipped the shred also, I moved my office that day.  Was up and down stairs to the 3rd floor about 10 times.  Then I went out dancing.... what a stupid day to skimp on the water intake.  I paid for it!

Reading - I have started The Spark, it is a good book.  Seems like a fairly simple read.  I'll start posting more reviews or insights from it. 

Health & Drama - I have had plenty of probs with these two areas the last couple weeks.  I am now in a brand new office, with no crazy assistant.  It is new space, new energy and a new day.  All will be well.  My sister and her husband are amazing and giving me $200 toward a new ipod touch and I redeemed bank rewards and got $60.  The 32g ipod Touch sells for $275 on Amazon, so I will be ordering that today and it will cost me $15!!!!!  My sister is my very best friend in this whole world.  I don't even think they helped me to replace the 'thing' that was stolen - she just helped me earn back some peace of mind, faith and happiness because I was teetering right on the edge of a depression.  I've been feeling a lot better and am almost back to normal.  I have replaced my windshield, it's sure pretty and shiny.  LOL.  Take the bad with the good - the good is sure to start coming my way.

This Week's Goals:
*Water, 100 ounces every day
*Read 2 chapters of the Spark
*Jillian Michaels - Level 3 every day!  (Yikes!)
*Walking - at least 60 minutes EVERY DAY
*Calories - track them every day.  Slowly incorporate more into my diet after being on a 10 day fruit-veg cleanse.  No fried foods this week.  No sugary treats this week (yes I already ate an ice cream bar, get over it).  No white flour/starch this week. 1200 calories.  Snacks = fruit or veg, no processed snacks.  Only 1 tbsp coffee creamer in coffee.  Splash of milk if I need more of something. 
*Biggest Loser Last Chance Workout - 3x this week

Yes, those are some big goals, but I have vacation right within my grasp.  I leave for Las Vegas, Nevada on October 13.  I am so excited!  :)

Here's to a good week, lovelies!!!