I have been doing my own self-challenge, which is #17 on my 30 by 30 list... Eat only fruits and veggies for 10 days straight. I started last Wednesday 9/21. I have completed 5 whole days of this challenge and I don't know how much more I can take. I did modify the challenge to have 'cooked' veggies and also nuts. I mean, I had to have a protein. I drink a ton of tea (caffeinated and herbal) as well as my usual 100 oz water. I'm sitting here thinking, wtf did I get myself into? I can't EAT until Saturday?!?!?! I was talking to my boss as she ate a sausage-egg-cheese-croissant and I wanted to rip it out of her hands and inhale it.
As far as being on this challenge for the last 5 days, I feel good - physically. I feel amazing as a matter of fact. It has definitely worked as a cleanse for my body and we'll leave it at that.... My stomach is ginormous (see last post for a pic), but it used to be hard-ish and bloaty all the time. Now, it feels... lighter? I can't explain it, but I'm more comfortable (however I'm not comfortable at all) with this big belly. It's very strange. My knees feel better, I don't feel achy. I get sore after my workouts, but I love that feeling. General pain level has decreased already and I can only imagine it's going to get better.
I am half way through this self-challenge. I knew this was my only chance to do it, my birthday is in April and fruits-veggies are plentiful and in season so I figured I'd knock this one off my 30x30 list. I really want to eat. I was sitting here thinking of ways I could change the rules, I could eat eggs or yogurt or oatmeal or soup or protein shake or anything or something.... but, I can't. This is the challenge I set for myself and I will get through until Friday, it is so freakin' hard right now though. 5 more days of fruits, veggies, nuts and tea. I have been using a lot of spices and seasonings to get me through. Lemon pepper cauliflower is pretty darn good as is garlic-pepper broccoli. Lets not forget garlic salt on kiwi, I actually love the flavor of that and have been eating it for years. I also salt and pepper my mangos, try it - you'll be in heaven.
5 more days!
Monday, September 26, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
CDCC Update 9/25/11
June 6 weight: 311
Sept 11 weight: 272
Sept 25 weight: 264
*270 was a goal weight, with my reward being an iTunes card. My ipod was stolen on Friday, so um I don't know. I think I'll make it a $25 Amazon gift card, so I can start saving for my new ipod. I also redeemed my rewards points from my bank account yesterday and ordered $70 in gift cards from Amazon. That puts me at $95 towards a new Ipod Touch. Things are looking up.... :)
8 pounds lost in 2 weeks. Week 1 I was very ill, had a tonsil infection and couldn't swallow. Week 2 I was recovering from illness and a hospitalization. I recently started my fruits-veggies-nuts-tea only challenge (self challenge) on Wednesday Sept 21. 8 pounds in 2 weeks at this point isn't all that normal, but I'll take it. It's a good jump start to the challenge overall, even though it was partially due to illness!
Here is the shirt I want to fit in... don't laugh at how bad it looks now!
This is a size 18/20 from Cato. It isn't cotton and I look like a sausage stuffed in a casing, huh? Notice how on the bottom the buttons are about to pop right off that sucker. The shirt is adorable and I found it on clearance years ago and of course, never fit it. It still had the tags on, so I took them off today because I will be wearing it soon! I can stand up while I have it on, but if I sat down I do believe it would rip out and the buttons would go flying across the room. The arms are hideous, don't go there. They have the elastic on the end, I hate it when shirts have that! I could barely get it on and it was even hard to peel it off me. Ugh. Goal is set though!!! Anyhow, I LOVE this shirt. I can't wait to wear it for real!! :)
These are some pants that I used to wear all the time. They are a size 24. They got tight on me so I packed them away and bought new ones and have been wearing 26/28 or for the most part - elastic band 3x or 26/28 pants. I recently threw away all of my elastic band pants. I kept one black pair for TOM when I'm really uncomfortable or bloated or don't really care anymore how I look, but have to go to work anyhow. I put on the 24s today:
I should have checked these 10 pounds ago. The waist is loose and they are hanging off me, even in my bottom belly roll which I could have sworn hasn't decreased at all. They definitely hang off in the ass because for some reason, I don't have much of a butt. How is that possible to be over 300 pounds and still have no ass? That shirt isn't hanging though, it is plenty snug on my belly love! :)
I also want to wear these jeans soon:
These are a size 24. Both these and the black dress pants above are Lane Bryant. Sizes are crazy, even from the same store! I need that spare tire to deflate. Notice how the belly goes out and the ass goes in, it loks like a flat angled line and the belly is nice and round in every way like a snowman. These jeans are really cute, they have really cute stitching on them and I like it a lot. I think my true size before must have been 30/32, I was squeezing myself into 26/28 with the help of Spanx or the fact that the pants were elastic and cotton. Now I am near a 24, that is progress.
Seriously, I put my hand in my back pockets and it was all empty space. On the front pockets, I could barely get my hand in because they're so damn tight. Haha, no ass! Cute stitching though, huh? I can't wait to wear these. It's hard for me to find jeans because of the obvious fatness that I am. I have all belly, not much for hips or ass and my legs aren't that big. I don't have major thunder thighs. They're not twig legs, but they're actually pretty damn nice. My problem with jeans is that if they fit around my waist and can button, they are usually designed to be HUGE all the way around, so the legs are huge. The denim doesn't even touch my legs and it looks ridiculous. I like Lane Bryant's (and their whole family of stores) jean designs with 'right fit'. I am a yellow. I am straight, not too curvy in the hips and not big legs. These are 'simply straight' jeans from LB in the yellow right fit group, check out the legs on them:
I love 'em! There is a little room in them, but they aren't like huge tents over my legs. I need the waist/tummy to be as big as it can possibly be (for now), but my legs aren't too huge. I'll show you leg pics one of these days. :) Yes I was in my night gown having a little fashion show to myself this morning trying on different outfits and my challenge shirt. It was fun. Usually when I can't fit stuff, I get really depressed. This time, I was hopeful like.... "I am going to wear this to Thanksgiving!". "I can wear this to my nephew's Christmas concert!". "I can probably wear this when I go see Liz for Halloween!". It's an awesome feeling.
Ok, sorry I went a little picture crazy on this post. My mirror is dirty, get over it.
I've said it before, but I have to say THANK YOU again for all the love and support with the recent train wreck of events in my life. I am going to be strong. Life will go on no matter what, I may as well move forward right along with it!
Sept 11 weight: 272
Sept 25 weight: 264
*270 was a goal weight, with my reward being an iTunes card. My ipod was stolen on Friday, so um I don't know. I think I'll make it a $25 Amazon gift card, so I can start saving for my new ipod. I also redeemed my rewards points from my bank account yesterday and ordered $70 in gift cards from Amazon. That puts me at $95 towards a new Ipod Touch. Things are looking up.... :)
8 pounds lost in 2 weeks. Week 1 I was very ill, had a tonsil infection and couldn't swallow. Week 2 I was recovering from illness and a hospitalization. I recently started my fruits-veggies-nuts-tea only challenge (self challenge) on Wednesday Sept 21. 8 pounds in 2 weeks at this point isn't all that normal, but I'll take it. It's a good jump start to the challenge overall, even though it was partially due to illness!
Here is the shirt I want to fit in... don't laugh at how bad it looks now!
These are some pants that I used to wear all the time. They are a size 24. They got tight on me so I packed them away and bought new ones and have been wearing 26/28 or for the most part - elastic band 3x or 26/28 pants. I recently threw away all of my elastic band pants. I kept one black pair for TOM when I'm really uncomfortable or bloated or don't really care anymore how I look, but have to go to work anyhow. I put on the 24s today:
I also want to wear these jeans soon:
Ok, sorry I went a little picture crazy on this post. My mirror is dirty, get over it.
I've said it before, but I have to say THANK YOU again for all the love and support with the recent train wreck of events in my life. I am going to be strong. Life will go on no matter what, I may as well move forward right along with it!
Friday, September 23, 2011
fruits-veggies-nuts-tea-water (and that's all!)
I just finished my 3rd day of fruits-veggies-nuts-tea, I have 7 to go. I have found it to be very easy, partly because I'm mildly depressed. I don't have much of an appetite. See last couple posts for update if you haven't. I am trying to quit being a Debbie Downer, that is so not my goal with all of this. Life has just been using me as its punching bag lately.
Yesterday I BIG soup pot with two bunches of broccoli, 1 head of cauli and a bag of baby carrots. I boiled them for about 7 minutes then shocked them in cold water. I just need to have them a little more tender than raw. They're delicious. I measured out 2 cup servings, but haven't even been eating a whole serving at meal times.
As far as fruit, I ate a TON of watermelon. It was SO good. I bought the watermelon from a local farmer vs. Walmart or somewhere and you know what the best part was? It had seeds in it! Rows of the little black seeds and the melon was more pink than the darker color in the mass produced ones. It was DELICIOUS. I've been buying them there, but for some reason really noticed how much I appreciated the seeds, lots of dried mud on the outside of it and the pink color of the deliciously juicy fruit!
Water has been off the charts. LOTS of water and during the day lots of herbal tea (decaf). I haven't drank any juice, because last week having nearly a gallon of orange juice has been blamed for being part of my hospitalization (potassium overload that supposedly wiped out my iron?).
Exercise is good! I took it easy, but hit the 30 day shred running the day I started to feel better which was Wednesday. I did Level 1, TWO times on Wednesday, 1 on Thursday and 1 today! I plan to do it twice tomorrow. I thought I had a problem, you see... I live by myself, however due to recent events I found it necessary to adopt a temporary roomie in the form of a very cute boy! :) I have been walking every day. He went for a walk with me the other night and he said he's happy that I'm walking and living healthier because I deserve it. Then I said to him that I do a couple DVDs usually but I was embarassed because he was there and I huff, puff and nearly die sometimes during them. He said he is too scared to leave me doing a tough workout since he is scared I will faint.. I said, well I am scared of killing you in an earthquake inside the house! We laughed and he said he will go to his friends, go for a walk or drive over to his normal residence while I exercise. The deal is if I don't call him within an hour, he will come to make sure I'm not passed out. He laughed and kept saying he wouldn't care a bit if I was huffing and puffing and he'd never laugh and said he might even try to work out with me! I said lets keep to the walking, but teased about busting out my hip hop dance party workout DVD and we can do that together. We had a good little joking session.
Summary:
*Water - Perfect
*#17 on the 30x30list - on point and simple. Not sure how it will go once I'm over the depression, however if that doesn't happen in the week then it won't be a concern.... but, the strongly creeping depression will!
*Calories - Haven't even been pushing 800 since.... last Monday. About 11 days of super low cal intake, due to illness, drama and this little cleanse project
*Exercise - walking every day, 30 day shred challenge
Yesterday I BIG soup pot with two bunches of broccoli, 1 head of cauli and a bag of baby carrots. I boiled them for about 7 minutes then shocked them in cold water. I just need to have them a little more tender than raw. They're delicious. I measured out 2 cup servings, but haven't even been eating a whole serving at meal times.
As far as fruit, I ate a TON of watermelon. It was SO good. I bought the watermelon from a local farmer vs. Walmart or somewhere and you know what the best part was? It had seeds in it! Rows of the little black seeds and the melon was more pink than the darker color in the mass produced ones. It was DELICIOUS. I've been buying them there, but for some reason really noticed how much I appreciated the seeds, lots of dried mud on the outside of it and the pink color of the deliciously juicy fruit!
Water has been off the charts. LOTS of water and during the day lots of herbal tea (decaf). I haven't drank any juice, because last week having nearly a gallon of orange juice has been blamed for being part of my hospitalization (potassium overload that supposedly wiped out my iron?).
Exercise is good! I took it easy, but hit the 30 day shred running the day I started to feel better which was Wednesday. I did Level 1, TWO times on Wednesday, 1 on Thursday and 1 today! I plan to do it twice tomorrow. I thought I had a problem, you see... I live by myself, however due to recent events I found it necessary to adopt a temporary roomie in the form of a very cute boy! :) I have been walking every day. He went for a walk with me the other night and he said he's happy that I'm walking and living healthier because I deserve it. Then I said to him that I do a couple DVDs usually but I was embarassed because he was there and I huff, puff and nearly die sometimes during them. He said he is too scared to leave me doing a tough workout since he is scared I will faint.. I said, well I am scared of killing you in an earthquake inside the house! We laughed and he said he will go to his friends, go for a walk or drive over to his normal residence while I exercise. The deal is if I don't call him within an hour, he will come to make sure I'm not passed out. He laughed and kept saying he wouldn't care a bit if I was huffing and puffing and he'd never laugh and said he might even try to work out with me! I said lets keep to the walking, but teased about busting out my hip hop dance party workout DVD and we can do that together. We had a good little joking session.
Summary:
*Water - Perfect
*#17 on the 30x30list - on point and simple. Not sure how it will go once I'm over the depression, however if that doesn't happen in the week then it won't be a concern.... but, the strongly creeping depression will!
*Calories - Haven't even been pushing 800 since.... last Monday. About 11 days of super low cal intake, due to illness, drama and this little cleanse project
*Exercise - walking every day, 30 day shred challenge
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Doing well!
Still a bit mentally drained, but work calmed down and will be fine. My life at work has been chaotic for a couple weeks, I think things are going to be okay now. I feel good about it. Positive thinking helps. I dreaded coming to work because I knew everything was screwed up and dramatic. I would pull into the parking lot and think, "This is lousy, I wish I didn't have to go in there". I would sit in the car and stare at the building. I changed that around this week even with deadlines pressing and drama/rumors running rampant and it has made a world of difference. I just *think positive thoughts and don't allow a negative comment from someone else to derail my day or attitude. Just.Move.Forward.
Vacation to Vegas is 3 weeks away from tomorrow.... :)
I got up at 5am and did the 30 day Shred. Man, that felt so damn good. I am going to do it again this evening. I can catch up to the challenge!
I will post pics of my shirt for the Christmas Dress challenge hopefully this weekend. I have a lot of catching up on blogs to do.
I have a friend staying with me for a little while since I'm paranoid after my windshield was bashed out for no apparent reason! I'm lucky to have him protecting me (ha!) and having company in the evenings has been wonderful.
*Water = no problems. At least 90 ounces a day, still!
*Calories = I still suck at tracking but haven't had much of an appetite for the last 10 days.
*Exercise = going pretty strong considering I just had a hospitalization this past weekend. I feel 100% today! Thank you for all the well wishes, prayers and positive energy!
*Reading = I am reading The Spark by Chris Downie - I mean, that is my book for the challenge but I haven't started it yet. I brought it with me to work today and will read it on my breaks and get in the groove of the book. It looks excellent and has really good reviews.
#17 on my 30x30 list has commenced! I will eat only fruits, veggies, nuts, water and tea. This goes from today through October 1!!! :) I stocked up on them last Friday when I was going to start and have been eating primarily that for the last couple days anyhow (not going to waste all that money spent on it!) and I already feel better!
Vacation to Vegas is 3 weeks away from tomorrow.... :)
I got up at 5am and did the 30 day Shred. Man, that felt so damn good. I am going to do it again this evening. I can catch up to the challenge!
I will post pics of my shirt for the Christmas Dress challenge hopefully this weekend. I have a lot of catching up on blogs to do.
I have a friend staying with me for a little while since I'm paranoid after my windshield was bashed out for no apparent reason! I'm lucky to have him protecting me (ha!) and having company in the evenings has been wonderful.
*Water = no problems. At least 90 ounces a day, still!
*Calories = I still suck at tracking but haven't had much of an appetite for the last 10 days.
*Exercise = going pretty strong considering I just had a hospitalization this past weekend. I feel 100% today! Thank you for all the well wishes, prayers and positive energy!
*Reading = I am reading The Spark by Chris Downie - I mean, that is my book for the challenge but I haven't started it yet. I brought it with me to work today and will read it on my breaks and get in the groove of the book. It looks excellent and has really good reviews.
#17 on my 30x30 list has commenced! I will eat only fruits, veggies, nuts, water and tea. This goes from today through October 1!!! :) I stocked up on them last Friday when I was going to start and have been eating primarily that for the last couple days anyhow (not going to waste all that money spent on it!) and I already feel better!
Friday, September 16, 2011
Time for #17 on my 30x30 list....
17. Consume only water and raw foods for 10 days straight
This is number 17 on my 30x30 list, it starts tomorrow Saturday 9/17/11! It is modified though!!! I will have tea instead of coffee in the AM and yes the tea will have caffeine - I'm a bitchy lunatic without caffeine. The tea is still less acidic than coffee and seems more natural than coffee so I think it's legit - hey, I make the rules around here!
I will eat nuts, fresh fruits & fresh veggies......... that's it! I have this little (major) tonsil infection going on right now, so I will be cooking the veggies. Swallowing hard broccoli at a time like this is just asking for torture and will probably end up making me quit. So, #17 is modified, but will still be quite the challenge! I will just parboil the broccoli and cauli. I want to do this item on the list NOW because it is the end of summer and all of nature's bounty of fresh fruits. I can still get delicious peaches, plums, nectarines, berries, watermelon and canatloupe. Garden fresh veggies of REAL tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers and zucchini! If I wait, it will be winter and my choices will be strawberries, apples and oranges. I will def be eating those these 10 days, but not exclusively.... I like variety! I will eat salads with no dressing, I'll just add some orange segments or berries for flavor and moisture - I do that a lot any way. I was silly to not think I would need protein, so I bought a few bags of nuts today (not raw almonds or nuts because I don't live anywhere near that sells them and I also don't like the taste of them for the price you pay!). Here goes nothing, starting tomorrow.
For tonight's supper.... more soup and yogurt (boring!) because I am still very sick. Went to the doc today, it isn't strep. My tonsils look like cauliflower, according to him. I'm pretty sure that can't be a good thing and it hurts like heck to swallow. I guess I could make smoothies out of the fruits and veggies too, that's always an awesome way to get them in. I'm excited to be taking this one off my list!!! Nothing could be healthier than fresh fruits and veggies for 10 days, huh? I bet I'll just FEEL better.
This is number 17 on my 30x30 list, it starts tomorrow Saturday 9/17/11! It is modified though!!! I will have tea instead of coffee in the AM and yes the tea will have caffeine - I'm a bitchy lunatic without caffeine. The tea is still less acidic than coffee and seems more natural than coffee so I think it's legit - hey, I make the rules around here!
I will eat nuts, fresh fruits & fresh veggies......... that's it! I have this little (major) tonsil infection going on right now, so I will be cooking the veggies. Swallowing hard broccoli at a time like this is just asking for torture and will probably end up making me quit. So, #17 is modified, but will still be quite the challenge! I will just parboil the broccoli and cauli. I want to do this item on the list NOW because it is the end of summer and all of nature's bounty of fresh fruits. I can still get delicious peaches, plums, nectarines, berries, watermelon and canatloupe. Garden fresh veggies of REAL tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers and zucchini! If I wait, it will be winter and my choices will be strawberries, apples and oranges. I will def be eating those these 10 days, but not exclusively.... I like variety! I will eat salads with no dressing, I'll just add some orange segments or berries for flavor and moisture - I do that a lot any way. I was silly to not think I would need protein, so I bought a few bags of nuts today (not raw almonds or nuts because I don't live anywhere near that sells them and I also don't like the taste of them for the price you pay!). Here goes nothing, starting tomorrow.
For tonight's supper.... more soup and yogurt (boring!) because I am still very sick. Went to the doc today, it isn't strep. My tonsils look like cauliflower, according to him. I'm pretty sure that can't be a good thing and it hurts like heck to swallow. I guess I could make smoothies out of the fruits and veggies too, that's always an awesome way to get them in. I'm excited to be taking this one off my list!!! Nothing could be healthier than fresh fruits and veggies for 10 days, huh? I bet I'll just FEEL better.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Still sick!
What can you really do when you're this sick? I really want to exercise and I feel super guilty for not being able to do the 30 day shred challenge. Today I finally got enough energy and wasn't so dizzy that I thought I'd fall over, so I did some housework. I had a crazy weekend so didn't get much done, at least I moved some. Even just doing laundry and changing the sheets caused me to sweat - this cold or flu or whatever it is is something else..... Hopefully tomorrow I can go back to work like a normal person, I was in my office all day Monday, 30 mins Tuesday (Aunt's heart attack), 45 minutes on Wednesday (sick!) and not at all today. Luckily, as an Administrator I can do a lot of work from home, but I just feel unavailable because I'm working on things that I need to be there for. I had some calls to return, but didn't want to call them because I sound like a nasally frog - really, it's bad. LOL.
This is a random rant, because I can't do much for exercise. Still too sick and dizzy. Sick of drinking fluids - broth, oj, cranberry, water, tea, hot chocolate, sparkling black cherry water stuff bla. My body really needs it though, I can tell. Ok, enough complaining. I will have to do Shred Level 1 like 5 times this weekend - I'll do it though, rest assured. JM is going down!
This is a random rant, because I can't do much for exercise. Still too sick and dizzy. Sick of drinking fluids - broth, oj, cranberry, water, tea, hot chocolate, sparkling black cherry water stuff bla. My body really needs it though, I can tell. Ok, enough complaining. I will have to do Shred Level 1 like 5 times this weekend - I'll do it though, rest assured. JM is going down!
Blog Award!
Amy over at Small Steps, Large Leaps has given me an award, how darling! Her theme is "Stay classy, sassy and fun" which I think are words to live by! Thanks Amy!
Liebster" means "favorite" or "beloved" in German. The award is to do a shout out to us bloggers with under 200 followers. I have 121 followers right now, how cool is that? I haven't been paying much attention and I remember sitting at 99 for the longest time, when I crossed 100 I sort of forgot to be mindful of it. Thanks to my followers who comment, offer support and keep me laughing and marching ahead - most of all!
I get to pass this award onto bloggers that I adore! Hard to choose from all of the awesomeness that I read every day, but here goes:
Jen over at A New Poison. This girl ROCKS! She posted most recently about preparing for her first 5k, let's give her some love and cheer her on as she trains for it. She posts honesty and awesome progress pics.
Frankie over at Carbie Girl. She is awesome, creative, witty and super cool. Her blog is adorable, isn't it? She's done very well so far with weight loss and knows what she wants. She's always a favorite read of mine!
Taryn over at Fat Girl in a Skinny World. Taryn is pretty much awesome and has the coolest name, huh? She is really going after it right now and she's genuine.
Becca at Size 24 No More. She is awesome, her progress is amazing and she is really dedicated. She's real darn close to 70 pounds lost and real close to 75 followers, lets push her along for both those numbers and beyond!
Amber at Overcoming my Sugar Addiction. Amber is a sweetie and she also inspires me because she tracks her food every day at My Fitness Pal, I suck at it and am always inspired (momentarily until I go back to my idiot self) by her logging. She is in the Christmas dress challenge with me (as are some of the other gals) and I think her dress is super cute!
Ok, those are the 5 I'm giving my award to, now you ladies go spread the love to 5 more of your faves. If you aren't following these girls already, you should be. They're fierce and in it to win it!! Thanks again Amy!
I get to pass this award onto bloggers that I adore! Hard to choose from all of the awesomeness that I read every day, but here goes:
Jen over at A New Poison. This girl ROCKS! She posted most recently about preparing for her first 5k, let's give her some love and cheer her on as she trains for it. She posts honesty and awesome progress pics.
Frankie over at Carbie Girl. She is awesome, creative, witty and super cool. Her blog is adorable, isn't it? She's done very well so far with weight loss and knows what she wants. She's always a favorite read of mine!
Taryn over at Fat Girl in a Skinny World. Taryn is pretty much awesome and has the coolest name, huh? She is really going after it right now and she's genuine.
Becca at Size 24 No More. She is awesome, her progress is amazing and she is really dedicated. She's real darn close to 70 pounds lost and real close to 75 followers, lets push her along for both those numbers and beyond!
Amber at Overcoming my Sugar Addiction. Amber is a sweetie and she also inspires me because she tracks her food every day at My Fitness Pal, I suck at it and am always inspired (momentarily until I go back to my idiot self) by her logging. She is in the Christmas dress challenge with me (as are some of the other gals) and I think her dress is super cute!
Ok, those are the 5 I'm giving my award to, now you ladies go spread the love to 5 more of your faves. If you aren't following these girls already, you should be. They're fierce and in it to win it!! Thanks again Amy!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
What a week.... already
Monday: Start of 30 day Shred challenge with my fellow bloggies. Went great, I did the Shred TWO times that day on Level 1. Eating was on point. I shopped on Sunday and got some Special K Protein shakes for breakfast after my post a couple weeks ago being whiny and too lazy to make breakfast in the mornings. They are a real life saver!
Tuesday (yesterday?): Did the Shred Level 1 to wake me up, did a brief arm routine, got ready for work, sipped on my Protein Shake on the 15 mile drive to work... all was well in the world for about a half hour. At 830am, I received an emergency call. My Aunt had a heart attack and was in the hospital. I went to find my Mom in the outside area (she works with a construction crew). We left, drove 2 hours to the hospital. The day was spent there but I won't go into detail - it was a roller coaster. Heart failure and mild stroke. Fluid in places it shouldn't be. Pain. Trauma. Permanent damage to her heart. She will be okay. She was up and talking by the time we left the hospital. I'm still so lost right now I can't begin to articulate my thoughts on this........
Today: I woke up freezing, but my forehead was sweaty. I couldn't swallow. I got out of bed and my whole body was achy, not Shred type achy - hit by a truck achy. I took a shower to get ready for work and felt very dizzy. I went to work and on the 15 mile drive I could barely keep my eyes open although I had slept plenty. I got there and 3 different people told me I looked like shit. Swallowing was difficult, I had a protein shake and some coffee. I stood up from my desk and almost fell over. I left work and came home and slept. I tried to do the Shred, but everything hurts, I can't breathe-swallow and I 'modified' so many moves I was practically just staring at the screen and marching in place. I turned it off, took another mini nap and now here I am.
My friends knew I left work sick, they brought over some Cup o' Noodles, chicken noodle soup, frozen yogurt and a big Cadbury candy bar - you know, the devishly smooth milk chocolate that is so creamy its insane and fucking delicious? Yeah, that one. I totally ate some of it but felt a little sick, so quit. I just want to drink some tea and go back to bed.
I weighed myself, I'm down 3 pounds since Sunday. I ended up not eating much at all yesterday, seeing my Aunt hooked up to every medical machine known to man didn't do much to invoke my appetite. I hope I feel better tomorrow........
Tuesday (yesterday?): Did the Shred Level 1 to wake me up, did a brief arm routine, got ready for work, sipped on my Protein Shake on the 15 mile drive to work... all was well in the world for about a half hour. At 830am, I received an emergency call. My Aunt had a heart attack and was in the hospital. I went to find my Mom in the outside area (she works with a construction crew). We left, drove 2 hours to the hospital. The day was spent there but I won't go into detail - it was a roller coaster. Heart failure and mild stroke. Fluid in places it shouldn't be. Pain. Trauma. Permanent damage to her heart. She will be okay. She was up and talking by the time we left the hospital. I'm still so lost right now I can't begin to articulate my thoughts on this........
Today: I woke up freezing, but my forehead was sweaty. I couldn't swallow. I got out of bed and my whole body was achy, not Shred type achy - hit by a truck achy. I took a shower to get ready for work and felt very dizzy. I went to work and on the 15 mile drive I could barely keep my eyes open although I had slept plenty. I got there and 3 different people told me I looked like shit. Swallowing was difficult, I had a protein shake and some coffee. I stood up from my desk and almost fell over. I left work and came home and slept. I tried to do the Shred, but everything hurts, I can't breathe-swallow and I 'modified' so many moves I was practically just staring at the screen and marching in place. I turned it off, took another mini nap and now here I am.
My friends knew I left work sick, they brought over some Cup o' Noodles, chicken noodle soup, frozen yogurt and a big Cadbury candy bar - you know, the devishly smooth milk chocolate that is so creamy its insane and fucking delicious? Yeah, that one. I totally ate some of it but felt a little sick, so quit. I just want to drink some tea and go back to bed.
I weighed myself, I'm down 3 pounds since Sunday. I ended up not eating much at all yesterday, seeing my Aunt hooked up to every medical machine known to man didn't do much to invoke my appetite. I hope I feel better tomorrow........
Monday, September 12, 2011
An article... then I contemplate what may or may not be important
http://fitbie.msn.com/slideshow/worst-ways-eat-your-veggies
I clicked through these slides and thought, 'This is the most idiotic article ever published'. Everyone already knows that these food choices are not what I would call legit choices for 'veggie' servings. Then I thought.... 'Quit being a proud b*tch just because you think this stuff is foolish', self. Calm down. People are in different stages of learning about health and food choices, so yes there are probably a shit ton of people who think these are in fact wonderful choices for veggies. There are others who are in a stage where they are starting to choose spinach over iceburg lettuce (which offers Vitamin Nothing compared to spinach!). There are people who are organic and only organic. There are people who really believe that the recipes which 'sneak in' veggies like shredded zucc in a muffin or shredded carrot in a marinara sauce are the architects of the greatest food revolution ever - not so.... but who I am to judge?
SO much of this life is a balancing act of knowing and doing. Learning and living. Informing and executing. An ideal world would allow a perfect marriage of these factors at all times. "I know that a hard hour spent at the gym may add time on to my life - I didn't go to the gym". "I know the ingredients in this double bacon cheeseburger will clog my arteries and lead to heart disease - I ate the burger". "I know that my staff meeting starts at 9am and I'm behind schedule - I pour another cup of coffee at home and piddle around with my eyeshadow and curtains". "I know that these ballet style flats (however cute) will cause my heel pain to intensify so much the next day it will be unbearable - I wear the flats and walk on concrete all night (Yeah, ouch!)". How do you balance the two?
Do you follow the Nike rule, Just Do It? Do you flounder with burgers and late arrivals to meetings for years while allowing for those bad habits to dig such a deep track in the schematic of your mind that you're screwed and don't care? Do you arrive on time, in fact - 15 minutes early every day for two weeks, don't get enough gratification out of it and go back to your habits? Did something click and, how so? Can you even explain an epiphany like that? Is it even an epiphany or is it just simple fact.... do or die - no fluff to be considered?
For me, it's been a tough one - on some days. For some, it seems simple. It's like a simple truth wrapped in a 272 pound enigma surrounded by a mystery hand-dipped in batter and fried in a boiling vat of myth and emotion. Count the calories on that bad boy then tell me how is it you find balance? How did you start and plan to continue un-screwing yourself from the bad habits, bad choices, bad self image? Did you have an 'aha!' moment or was it hundreds of little moments that led up to a breaking point? I'm still figuring out what mine was, but I can tell you it wasn't a single moment. I can think back and name at least 10 'aha!' moments; none of which inspired commitment enough to lose and keep off any significant amount of weight.... Maybe it's not important to figure out what the switch was - maybe it only matters what the future is, what the commitment is and how time will be spent from this day forward.
I clicked through these slides and thought, 'This is the most idiotic article ever published'. Everyone already knows that these food choices are not what I would call legit choices for 'veggie' servings. Then I thought.... 'Quit being a proud b*tch just because you think this stuff is foolish', self. Calm down. People are in different stages of learning about health and food choices, so yes there are probably a shit ton of people who think these are in fact wonderful choices for veggies. There are others who are in a stage where they are starting to choose spinach over iceburg lettuce (which offers Vitamin Nothing compared to spinach!). There are people who are organic and only organic. There are people who really believe that the recipes which 'sneak in' veggies like shredded zucc in a muffin or shredded carrot in a marinara sauce are the architects of the greatest food revolution ever - not so.... but who I am to judge?
SO much of this life is a balancing act of knowing and doing. Learning and living. Informing and executing. An ideal world would allow a perfect marriage of these factors at all times. "I know that a hard hour spent at the gym may add time on to my life - I didn't go to the gym". "I know the ingredients in this double bacon cheeseburger will clog my arteries and lead to heart disease - I ate the burger". "I know that my staff meeting starts at 9am and I'm behind schedule - I pour another cup of coffee at home and piddle around with my eyeshadow and curtains". "I know that these ballet style flats (however cute) will cause my heel pain to intensify so much the next day it will be unbearable - I wear the flats and walk on concrete all night (Yeah, ouch!)". How do you balance the two?
Do you follow the Nike rule, Just Do It? Do you flounder with burgers and late arrivals to meetings for years while allowing for those bad habits to dig such a deep track in the schematic of your mind that you're screwed and don't care? Do you arrive on time, in fact - 15 minutes early every day for two weeks, don't get enough gratification out of it and go back to your habits? Did something click and, how so? Can you even explain an epiphany like that? Is it even an epiphany or is it just simple fact.... do or die - no fluff to be considered?
For me, it's been a tough one - on some days. For some, it seems simple. It's like a simple truth wrapped in a 272 pound enigma surrounded by a mystery hand-dipped in batter and fried in a boiling vat of myth and emotion. Count the calories on that bad boy then tell me how is it you find balance? How did you start and plan to continue un-screwing yourself from the bad habits, bad choices, bad self image? Did you have an 'aha!' moment or was it hundreds of little moments that led up to a breaking point? I'm still figuring out what mine was, but I can tell you it wasn't a single moment. I can think back and name at least 10 'aha!' moments; none of which inspired commitment enough to lose and keep off any significant amount of weight.... Maybe it's not important to figure out what the switch was - maybe it only matters what the future is, what the commitment is and how time will be spent from this day forward.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
CDCC Initial post and weigh in
Last week weigh in: 274
This week: 272
Two pounds away from my next reward! At 270 I get $30 at iTunes. I already bought the $30 card, but have to wait to spend it... should be next week!! Music=Life. I think a two pound loss for the week is great and it's a good number to start the challenge at. This week I did Biggest Loser Last Chance workout a few times and walked a LOT. I danced the other night for hours on end, my knees and thighs hurt so good!! :)
My goal: Lose 30 pounds this challenge. That is 2 a week for the 14 week challenge, plus a bonus 2 for good measure. ;)
Calorie Range : 12-1500/day. I suck at tracking, so a big goal will to do this and add in the counts on my weekly updates!
Exercise: Challenge goal of 3x a week. My goal of 4x a week with a walk 7x a week.
Consistent: I have had consistent weight loss since June 1. I had a 6 pound gain around July 1 when I binged twice after my grandmother was killed in her apartment fire. I had a gain last week of ONE lousy pound but I am so done talking about that - if someone brings it up again I might go apeshit. I don't try to 'make up for lost time' after I faulter on healthy eating - it is what it is. If I have breakfast pizza on Friday, I'm not going to starve myself on Saturday to counteract the calories/fat in the pizza. That is ridiculous to me. I also don't hide my "mistakes" (I may or may not even consider them mistakes....), so watch the fuck out because I post about cupcakes!!!!!! :) (I also swear!)
Hydrate Sufficiently: Never a problem. AT LEAST 80 ounces a day, usually closer to 120! :)
Book: The Spark by Chris Downie This is a 'beginning your journey' type of book that I've been meaning to read. I will be reading another one here, but not sure which one. I went to Mir's Amazon 'store' and was overwhelmed by the great selection! Will update after this one is read and I start another. I read books rather quickly, once I get started! Reading 100 books is on my 30 before 30 list before I turn the big 3-0 next April - soooo this will help kill two birds with one stone! Sweet!
Dress: I tried dress shopping. It didn't work. I went out of town today to Lane Bryant and tried a few on, I just imagine I'll still look pregnant at my goal weight for this challenge. I remember I have a shirt in my closet with the TAGS STILL ON from like two years ago. I will take pics and post - be prepared the shirt is oh so tight. LOL. I always said I looked like a sausage in a white striped casing... haha. And yet, it has taken me two years to get around to doing something about it. Strange.
This week: 272
Two pounds away from my next reward! At 270 I get $30 at iTunes. I already bought the $30 card, but have to wait to spend it... should be next week!! Music=Life. I think a two pound loss for the week is great and it's a good number to start the challenge at. This week I did Biggest Loser Last Chance workout a few times and walked a LOT. I danced the other night for hours on end, my knees and thighs hurt so good!! :)
My goal: Lose 30 pounds this challenge. That is 2 a week for the 14 week challenge, plus a bonus 2 for good measure. ;)
Calorie Range : 12-1500/day. I suck at tracking, so a big goal will to do this and add in the counts on my weekly updates!
Exercise: Challenge goal of 3x a week. My goal of 4x a week with a walk 7x a week.
Consistent: I have had consistent weight loss since June 1. I had a 6 pound gain around July 1 when I binged twice after my grandmother was killed in her apartment fire. I had a gain last week of ONE lousy pound but I am so done talking about that - if someone brings it up again I might go apeshit. I don't try to 'make up for lost time' after I faulter on healthy eating - it is what it is. If I have breakfast pizza on Friday, I'm not going to starve myself on Saturday to counteract the calories/fat in the pizza. That is ridiculous to me. I also don't hide my "mistakes" (I may or may not even consider them mistakes....), so watch the fuck out because I post about cupcakes!!!!!! :) (I also swear!)
Hydrate Sufficiently: Never a problem. AT LEAST 80 ounces a day, usually closer to 120! :)
Book: The Spark by Chris Downie This is a 'beginning your journey' type of book that I've been meaning to read. I will be reading another one here, but not sure which one. I went to Mir's Amazon 'store' and was overwhelmed by the great selection! Will update after this one is read and I start another. I read books rather quickly, once I get started! Reading 100 books is on my 30 before 30 list before I turn the big 3-0 next April - soooo this will help kill two birds with one stone! Sweet!
Dress: I tried dress shopping. It didn't work. I went out of town today to Lane Bryant and tried a few on, I just imagine I'll still look pregnant at my goal weight for this challenge. I remember I have a shirt in my closet with the TAGS STILL ON from like two years ago. I will take pics and post - be prepared the shirt is oh so tight. LOL. I always said I looked like a sausage in a white striped casing... haha. And yet, it has taken me two years to get around to doing something about it. Strange.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
this dress thing is hard to find!
I have been perusing sites for dresses, looking up images of 'plus size' girls in dresses, etc. I love a lot of them. I haven't picked one yet and may not even have it done by tomorrow. The most difficult part? Not having any idea what size I may be at the weight I get to. I am 274 now, if in 14 weeks I lost 2 pounds a week that's 28 pounds, but I want to shoot for 30. I wanted to say 34 to have my goal weight be a nice even number, but I have already lost a bit more than that in the last 12 week challenge and I know this time isn't going to be quite as quick. If I weighed 244 pounds around the holidays, what size would that even be? I can't imagine being that 'low' of a weight. I know some people started their weight loss at 250 pounds thinking they were as big as the earth - my highest was 333 a couple years ago an 311 a few months ago when I really kicked it back into high gear. I think when I get to 233 I am going to have a party, 100 pounds down from my highest ever. I can't even imagine it and feel like it will never happen, but really - if it happens a year from now... it's not THAT long of a wait in the grand scheme of things. It's not like I'm simply 'waiting' for it either - I'm working for it. Time will go by even faster as I am enjoying and living my life as I go!
Anyhow, I am looking for a dress. I would love to wear a dress and not look pregnant in it, but I imagine at 244 I still will - oh well....... progress, not perfection. Any good sites? Maurices has some super cute dresses. It's going to be the dead of winter here in South Dakota when this challenge is over, maybe I'll have to book a flight for warmer weather to rock my dress somewhere. There's always Vegas. :)
I slept after being up all night and now I'm going to keep browsing around online for a few things then back to slumber. Sweet sweet slumber. I had a great time last night. And yes, you all do need to party with me because I am fun!!!! :) I sound like a lush lately, but I'm not really. Over the last year I drank about once a month - but with summer comes ball games, cookouts, bonfires and all things awesome which = beer. Kate, I'm still going to try your strawberry vodka concoction and it looks yummy and refreshing. Hopefully it warms up again this week so I have a reason to....
A couple weeks ago I found these wines: http://www.chateauthomas.com/slender/
They're pretty good. They're cheapies with a twist top vs. cork which is strange to me, but the taste was good and the white is very refreshing. Sometimes really sweet wines give me a headache, but I had no problem with these. I have a friend who gets stomach aches from really sweet wines and she enjoyed this with no ugly after effects. I found them in a local liquor store for about ten bucks each.
Back to dress shopping, but wow it's hard because I can't imagine myself under 250 pounds. Maybe that's sad, but it's also exciting. Do what you never thought possible? Yes, please.
Anyhow, I am looking for a dress. I would love to wear a dress and not look pregnant in it, but I imagine at 244 I still will - oh well....... progress, not perfection. Any good sites? Maurices has some super cute dresses. It's going to be the dead of winter here in South Dakota when this challenge is over, maybe I'll have to book a flight for warmer weather to rock my dress somewhere. There's always Vegas. :)
I slept after being up all night and now I'm going to keep browsing around online for a few things then back to slumber. Sweet sweet slumber. I had a great time last night. And yes, you all do need to party with me because I am fun!!!! :) I sound like a lush lately, but I'm not really. Over the last year I drank about once a month - but with summer comes ball games, cookouts, bonfires and all things awesome which = beer. Kate, I'm still going to try your strawberry vodka concoction and it looks yummy and refreshing. Hopefully it warms up again this week so I have a reason to....
A couple weeks ago I found these wines: http://www.chateauthomas.com/slender/
They're pretty good. They're cheapies with a twist top vs. cork which is strange to me, but the taste was good and the white is very refreshing. Sometimes really sweet wines give me a headache, but I had no problem with these. I have a friend who gets stomach aches from really sweet wines and she enjoyed this with no ugly after effects. I found them in a local liquor store for about ten bucks each.
Back to dress shopping, but wow it's hard because I can't imagine myself under 250 pounds. Maybe that's sad, but it's also exciting. Do what you never thought possible? Yes, please.
Friday, September 9, 2011
You Win Some, You Lose Some....
Some people reportedly adore me....
http://carbiegirl.blogspot.com/2011/09/i-hate-jerkfaces.html
To Carbie, I say thank you (for what, the 5th time?).... Creativity flows through this girl's blood - she's just amazing, huh? ;)
Some people want to pick me apart....
http://sofat4now.blogspot.com/2011/09/day-75-sept-6-2011.html
I do love beer and I'll always love beer. I want a cold beer right fuckin now as a matter of fact! Cupcakes, well those cute little devils will always be my delicious indulgence and I don't plan on giving them up any time soon. Almost 40 pounds down and I haven't yet, so I guess I am doing something right! Walking 2-8 miles daily does help and I'm not giving that up either!!!
If you are looking for posts where I totally fucked up and derailed from any healthy plan, check out these little gems. If reading the failures of others is how you get your rocks off - have at it:
http://missapril-30before30.blogspot.com/2011/07/2437-calories-yesterday.html
http://missapril-30before30.blogspot.com/2011/07/happy-hour-isnt-so-happy-next-day.html
http://missapril-30before30.blogspot.com/2011/06/sadness-eat-shame-wash-rinse-repeat.html#comments
http://missapril-30before30.blogspot.com/2011/06/slipping-on-saturday.html
I am absolutely not 'embarassed' to put my failures out there or to admit what I ate. I remember writing about opening a jar of frosting for shits and giggs and having a few bites. I wrote it because it happened, if I were only posting about the days where my decisions were glowing I might as well not be here because that would be futile. My unhealthy thinking didn't go apeshit wrong over night and it isn't going to be perfect - ever; but certainly not after a few months. This is about progress for me, not perfection. I will never strive to have the perfect diet, eat perfect foods or any of that jazz. I am me, take it or leave it. I put it out there because this is as real as it gets! The faulted thinking pattern that you see is the same one that I see - and I'm working on it and have made much progress.
See you around, snickering rover......
http://carbiegirl.blogspot.com/2011/09/i-hate-jerkfaces.html
To Carbie, I say thank you (for what, the 5th time?).... Creativity flows through this girl's blood - she's just amazing, huh? ;)
Some people want to pick me apart....
http://sofat4now.blogspot.com/2011/09/day-75-sept-6-2011.html
I do love beer and I'll always love beer. I want a cold beer right fuckin now as a matter of fact! Cupcakes, well those cute little devils will always be my delicious indulgence and I don't plan on giving them up any time soon. Almost 40 pounds down and I haven't yet, so I guess I am doing something right! Walking 2-8 miles daily does help and I'm not giving that up either!!!
If you are looking for posts where I totally fucked up and derailed from any healthy plan, check out these little gems. If reading the failures of others is how you get your rocks off - have at it:
http://missapril-30before30.blogspot.com/2011/07/2437-calories-yesterday.html
http://missapril-30before30.blogspot.com/2011/07/happy-hour-isnt-so-happy-next-day.html
http://missapril-30before30.blogspot.com/2011/06/sadness-eat-shame-wash-rinse-repeat.html#comments
http://missapril-30before30.blogspot.com/2011/06/slipping-on-saturday.html
I am absolutely not 'embarassed' to put my failures out there or to admit what I ate. I remember writing about opening a jar of frosting for shits and giggs and having a few bites. I wrote it because it happened, if I were only posting about the days where my decisions were glowing I might as well not be here because that would be futile. My unhealthy thinking didn't go apeshit wrong over night and it isn't going to be perfect - ever; but certainly not after a few months. This is about progress for me, not perfection. I will never strive to have the perfect diet, eat perfect foods or any of that jazz. I am me, take it or leave it. I put it out there because this is as real as it gets! The faulted thinking pattern that you see is the same one that I see - and I'm working on it and have made much progress.
See you around, snickering rover......
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Jerks.
So this past weekend was my town's annual festival. I volunteered to work the beer stand at the cage fights. I am new to town and thought I should get involved and also wanted to check it out without paying the outrageous admission fee. I had been serving beer for about 2 hours. These two guys were second in the line to be served and I heard one of them say... "Don't they usually get hot girls to serve beer at these things?". I immediately turned the other direction and went and start lining up shots, they were in my section of the table and I would have had to wait on them and I did NOT want to. I stood with my back to them pouring shots on another table, not waiting on anyone. This is their conversation:
First comment from Jerk #1: "Don't they usually get hot girls to serve beer at these things?"
Exit April!
Jerk #2: "Why? I can't even see, is she fugly or what?"
Jerk #1: "You don't see that big fat girl, right there?"
Jerk #2: "Oh, shes nice though, I bought the last bucket of beer from her. She's a sweetie pie, just watch."
Jerk #1: "Well, I guess her face isn't that bad. But her body is. Hey, she's a BUTTER BODY. And I thought they were called a BUTTER FACE. I think her body is literally made out of butter, all 250 pounds!"
Jerk #2: "Chad, stop being a tool and order the bucket so we can sit down."
Jerk #1: "I didn't know you were a chubby chaser!!"
At this point one of the volunteers had taken their order and asked me to collect the tokens from them. FUCK! I didn't even want to see what these guys looked like. I knew my face was red and I was practically choking on the lump in my throat. It was my responsibility to help. I turned around and said, 'hey guys, did you have the bucket?'. The one guy (not the total jerk) said "yes Ma'am" and the other one started laughing at which point Jerk #2 looked at Jerk #1 and said, "Chad, stop". He handed me the tokens, I thanked him then turned around and threw them into our collection bucket. I went outside and choked back tears while emptying out some garbage cans. I went in and finished the night.
At the beginning of the night I was smiling at everyone, making conversation with them because the drinks were taking a while to make and really having a good time. After this little incident, my whole night was off. I noticed I was distracted, I screwed up a couple orders. I wasn't smiling - the customers weren't engaging with me because I wasn't engaging with them. When a guy would come up, I would try to avoid waiting on him thinking 'he'd probably rather have this little Malibu Barbie working with me wait on him anyway'. The other volunteers and I were having a great time, dancing around with each other at the beginning and I was getting to know new people in my town. I just sort of closed off after this. They went out for a drink afterwards and I just skipped out and went home. They asked me 'are you sure you don't want to come?'. I said I was tired and had a long day ahead so needed rest. I wasn't even tired - I stood on my feet for 5 hours like a champ, I would have loved to be invited by some new young people out and have a cold beer.... but, nope. I couldn't come back from the Jerks and their bs.
I don't know what to say about it. I shouldn't have taken it so hard but omgoodness it was just like someone was inserting a knife in my heart and twisting it. I had a little bounce in my step that night. I was happy. I was excited, the crowd was live - it was a cage fight for crying out loud. There was a lot of energy in the room! Mine all turned to negative though and I couldn't shake it off......... :(
First comment from Jerk #1: "Don't they usually get hot girls to serve beer at these things?"
Exit April!
Jerk #2: "Why? I can't even see, is she fugly or what?"
Jerk #1: "You don't see that big fat girl, right there?"
Jerk #2: "Oh, shes nice though, I bought the last bucket of beer from her. She's a sweetie pie, just watch."
Jerk #1: "Well, I guess her face isn't that bad. But her body is. Hey, she's a BUTTER BODY. And I thought they were called a BUTTER FACE. I think her body is literally made out of butter, all 250 pounds!"
Jerk #2: "Chad, stop being a tool and order the bucket so we can sit down."
Jerk #1: "I didn't know you were a chubby chaser!!"
At this point one of the volunteers had taken their order and asked me to collect the tokens from them. FUCK! I didn't even want to see what these guys looked like. I knew my face was red and I was practically choking on the lump in my throat. It was my responsibility to help. I turned around and said, 'hey guys, did you have the bucket?'. The one guy (not the total jerk) said "yes Ma'am" and the other one started laughing at which point Jerk #2 looked at Jerk #1 and said, "Chad, stop". He handed me the tokens, I thanked him then turned around and threw them into our collection bucket. I went outside and choked back tears while emptying out some garbage cans. I went in and finished the night.
At the beginning of the night I was smiling at everyone, making conversation with them because the drinks were taking a while to make and really having a good time. After this little incident, my whole night was off. I noticed I was distracted, I screwed up a couple orders. I wasn't smiling - the customers weren't engaging with me because I wasn't engaging with them. When a guy would come up, I would try to avoid waiting on him thinking 'he'd probably rather have this little Malibu Barbie working with me wait on him anyway'. The other volunteers and I were having a great time, dancing around with each other at the beginning and I was getting to know new people in my town. I just sort of closed off after this. They went out for a drink afterwards and I just skipped out and went home. They asked me 'are you sure you don't want to come?'. I said I was tired and had a long day ahead so needed rest. I wasn't even tired - I stood on my feet for 5 hours like a champ, I would have loved to be invited by some new young people out and have a cold beer.... but, nope. I couldn't come back from the Jerks and their bs.
I don't know what to say about it. I shouldn't have taken it so hard but omgoodness it was just like someone was inserting a knife in my heart and twisting it. I had a little bounce in my step that night. I was happy. I was excited, the crowd was live - it was a cage fight for crying out loud. There was a lot of energy in the room! Mine all turned to negative though and I couldn't shake it off......... :(
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Things I suck at
Well, I started being serious about this about 3 months ago. I have learned a lot and come pretty darn far if you ask me... but there are things I can't seem to get a grip on....
1. Tracking. I still suck at this. I signed up for myfitnesspal.com and I LOVE the site, right? However, I forget to log in and track or I avoid it if I know I had a terrible day or I make up some excuse or I just flat out forget that it even exists. I do have the app downloaded on my ipod Touch. I did do okay with it for a while.
2. Progress pics. I used to have a page on my blog for it but took it down. I want/need some to compare along the way to hopefully inspire someone else one day the way I am inspired by other bloggers!
3. Breakfast! I always eat breakfast, but I get sick of 'breakfast foods' like cereal. I would like to come up with 5 different breakfasts that I rotate between that are about 150-200 calories. I don't need anything too heavy in the morning because I drink a lot of coffee and don't even like to have food with it because I'd prefer the caffeine buzz. I know, I am so Effed in the head about how this works..... I want the 'menu' to obviously have a protein, perhaps a fruit/veg and really low carb. I'm also backwards in the sense that I totally don't mind using calories on creamer for my coffee, I have to have flavored creamer or I die. Not really, but still.
My ideas for breakfast:
1. 1/2 c. cottage cheese and a small can of V8 low sodium (150 cals)
2. 2 scrambled eggs (190 cals) (Throw in some mushrooms, tomato or peppers if I have them)
3. ???????????????????????? Help
4. ?????????????? Hard to believe I'm this clueless, huh?
5.biscuits and gravy with a side of hashbrowns, an apple fritter and some bacon. Lots of bacon. (10,000 cals)
4. Low Carb ideas in general - I suck at it. I quit buying bread a long time ago, I did get some bagel thins and sandwich thins and I keep them in the freezer. They do toast well when frozen (I toast them in the oven because I don't own a toaster). I often eat on almonds or cashews, raw cauli, turkey & cheese rollups, boiled or scrambled eggs, cheese, yogurt............ What are some other quick ideas for low carb foods?
Sorry if I sound like a helpless whiny little bish, I'm just lost in the world in some areas. I'm not going crazy on no carb, but want to make some good substitutions. I am eating as much fruit as possible right now because it's summer's end and the season will soon be over. I know true 'low carb' says fruit is a no-no, but f*ck all that for right now because soon it will be winter and I'll be back to the choices of old crop apples, oranges with green spots on the skin and sour strawberries.
1. Tracking. I still suck at this. I signed up for myfitnesspal.com and I LOVE the site, right? However, I forget to log in and track or I avoid it if I know I had a terrible day or I make up some excuse or I just flat out forget that it even exists. I do have the app downloaded on my ipod Touch. I did do okay with it for a while.
2. Progress pics. I used to have a page on my blog for it but took it down. I want/need some to compare along the way to hopefully inspire someone else one day the way I am inspired by other bloggers!
3. Breakfast! I always eat breakfast, but I get sick of 'breakfast foods' like cereal. I would like to come up with 5 different breakfasts that I rotate between that are about 150-200 calories. I don't need anything too heavy in the morning because I drink a lot of coffee and don't even like to have food with it because I'd prefer the caffeine buzz. I know, I am so Effed in the head about how this works..... I want the 'menu' to obviously have a protein, perhaps a fruit/veg and really low carb. I'm also backwards in the sense that I totally don't mind using calories on creamer for my coffee, I have to have flavored creamer or I die. Not really, but still.
My ideas for breakfast:
1. 1/2 c. cottage cheese and a small can of V8 low sodium (150 cals)
2. 2 scrambled eggs (190 cals) (Throw in some mushrooms, tomato or peppers if I have them)
3. ???????????????????????? Help
4. ?????????????? Hard to believe I'm this clueless, huh?
5.
4. Low Carb ideas in general - I suck at it. I quit buying bread a long time ago, I did get some bagel thins and sandwich thins and I keep them in the freezer. They do toast well when frozen (I toast them in the oven because I don't own a toaster). I often eat on almonds or cashews, raw cauli, turkey & cheese rollups, boiled or scrambled eggs, cheese, yogurt............ What are some other quick ideas for low carb foods?
Sorry if I sound like a helpless whiny little bish, I'm just lost in the world in some areas. I'm not going crazy on no carb, but want to make some good substitutions. I am eating as much fruit as possible right now because it's summer's end and the season will soon be over. I know true 'low carb' says fruit is a no-no, but f*ck all that for right now because soon it will be winter and I'll be back to the choices of old crop apples, oranges with green spots on the skin and sour strawberries.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Weigh in
Last week (end of Slimmer this Summer) : 273
Today: 274
I gained a pound! I'm not even upset about it so don't be alarmed. Last week I had just come off a 48 hour fast, I was bound to have lost a good number. This weekend the carnival was in town, festival in the park, cage fights, races, car show, parade, etc. I decided to eat, drink and be merry. I didn't overeat a lot, but I ate things that I shouldn't have. I had a portion of potato salad vs. a bite. I had a piece of chocolate toffee vs. a crumb. I had a cupcake vs. a nibble (ok who am I kidding - I had 1 cupcake yesterday while baking and 2 today!). I had white bread instead of whole grain (felt gross afterwards, like bloated). It wasn't about screwing everything up, it was kind of a 'break', not as a reward or anything and not before I plan to torment myself to something crazy - it just happened. It is a holiday weekend, I could have made better choices, but I didn't. I hydrated like a mad man and always drank water or tea vs. soda. I did have beers a couple times. I have found a new love in Bud Light Lime...... I have been walking, walking, walking. I walked 10 miles the other day - how crazy is that. I will get back to more exercise this week in addition to the walking and all will be well in the world!!!
I hope all you weight loss rockstars had a fabulous holiday weekend!
Today: 274
I gained a pound! I'm not even upset about it so don't be alarmed. Last week I had just come off a 48 hour fast, I was bound to have lost a good number. This weekend the carnival was in town, festival in the park, cage fights, races, car show, parade, etc. I decided to eat, drink and be merry. I didn't overeat a lot, but I ate things that I shouldn't have. I had a portion of potato salad vs. a bite. I had a piece of chocolate toffee vs. a crumb. I had a cupcake vs. a nibble (ok who am I kidding - I had 1 cupcake yesterday while baking and 2 today!). I had white bread instead of whole grain (felt gross afterwards, like bloated). It wasn't about screwing everything up, it was kind of a 'break', not as a reward or anything and not before I plan to torment myself to something crazy - it just happened. It is a holiday weekend, I could have made better choices, but I didn't. I hydrated like a mad man and always drank water or tea vs. soda. I did have beers a couple times. I have found a new love in Bud Light Lime...... I have been walking, walking, walking. I walked 10 miles the other day - how crazy is that. I will get back to more exercise this week in addition to the walking and all will be well in the world!!!
I hope all you weight loss rockstars had a fabulous holiday weekend!
Saturday, September 3, 2011
My Vitamin B smells funny....
This is the Vitamin B supplement I've been taking for a couple weeks. I used to take a different brand from Walmart that was pink, it was fine. These were on sale so I bought two bottles. I feel good when taking them and everything, however there is one problem! They smell like FARM STORE. I am from the Midwest and the scent of farm store is very... distinct. I noticed it when I opened the bottle, but just kept on taking them considering I already had a 3 month supply of them! I keep them in my top drawer of my night stand and this past week I have noticed that when I open the drawer, the weird smell fills the whole area. My friend came in my bedroom last night and we were talking, so I decided to ask him his opinion. We were sitting in the bed visiting and I told him to pay attention to tell me if he noticed anything different when I opened the drawer. He thought I was nuts. I opened it and a couple minutes later he said, what's in there. I pushed him to tell me what he thought it was - he said it smelled like hay bales! I took the bottle out to the kitchen and left it, it is starting to gross me out. How can a closed bottle of vitamins make the room smell so icky? I think I'm going to ditch these because it's just too weird. I could easily keep them in a different room, but I still feel a little queasy when I open the bottle. Nobody wants to eat farm store.......... Any good Vitamin B recommendations that don't channel memories of horse feed and rawhide?
Friday, September 2, 2011
10 miles
Yesterday I walked-jogged 10 miles. TEN. That's right, I said t-e-n. I don't have a clue how I did it, but I did. It was broken up into 4 different sessions, but I just couldn't stop. Today, my feet hurt like hell but I feel like a rock star!! :)
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